I Love Him But I Don't

God , I Love This Girl

ALEX

Goddamnit!

I huffed as pulled out my car from her driveway.

Why can't she just take me seriously for one second? Is it really that surprising that her best friend is asking her out? And Britney Collins? What is wrong with me? I could've blurted out someone else's name.

'But you didn't have time to think of someone because you thought she was going to say yes' my inner consiousness spoke.

How stupid could I be? Beth has never seen me more than a friend and perhaps never will. I don't know how she hasn't figured out my feelings for her yet considering she is so smart. Why is she so oblivious to the fact that I love her? That I'm in love with her. I know we have this best friend agreement that we tell the other friend if one of us is starting to acquire feelings for them. And ever since we were little , we both would always confess to the other person. But this time , it's different. This time it's not just a crush that will eventually fade. This time it's real and damnit I've been trying to leave hints and tell her this for so long now but something just keeps her from realizing that I'm in love with her. Most people would just say that I should man up and confess. And I would've by now if she wasn't my best friend. The thought of losing her made me feel like someone punched me in the stomach. If she didn't feel the same way then I was afraid it would make things awkward for us and I was ready to spend the rest of my life secretly loving her rather than losing this incredible friendship we had. Because I needed her in more ways than I could describe.

Beth has been there for me since I can remember. When my father abandoned us and left me with a horrible past, she was the one who picked up the pieces of a sad little boy. We have been inseparable since we were in fourth grade. I don't exactly have the most charming personality nor am I a very social person. Sure , girls like Britney Collins don't care about my lack of charm , and that's why most people think I'm a manslut , which I won't deny I was until I fell for her.

She's just so different. She's kind and funny and extremely intelligent. She has a cute little dimple right beneath her right eye which she hates but I love. She rolls her eyes 47 times a day which makes her look even cute. She starts having breakdowns over something as small as a quiz and trust me, seeing Beth take stress is too adorable. If you ever saw Elizabeth Anne Grey , you wouldn't be able to take your eyes off of her. She's easily the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

All the way from her light brown eyes to her perfectly curved body , she's a vision. The thing that makes her beautiful from the inside is the fact that she doesn't realize it. I don't like how she underestimates herself and it kills me to see her rant and cry about her insecurities but what can I say? She's the most humble girl you'll ever meet. What I love most about her though is the fact that she balances her outer beauty with her inner beauty perfectly.

If you ever saw Beth helping an injured animal on a sidewalk , it's not because she loves animals. In fact she's not really that fond of them. But she'll still be there , helping the dog because it's in her nature to be helpful. Why she's best friends with someone like me? I'll never know because she deserves the most perfect human being by her side.

When I initially fell in love with her. I tried to deny it. Because I couldn't imagine her being with someone as messed up as me. Denying my feelings for her was the hardest thing because if you know Elizabeth Anne Grey even a little bit , it's a given that you'll fall in love with her. All the way from her personality to her gorgeous outer beauty , everything about her will make you want to grab her in your arms and protect her from the harsh world.

However, when she wants , she can be the ultimate bitch. She's not one to sit there and get bullied. She will stand up to you if you dare hurt anyone in front of her eyes. And as much as I love my sweet little sunshine , I'm even fonder of the tigress inside her. The first time I saw her was when she punched a guy in the face in fourth grade. Why she punched him you may ask? Well, I wasn't quite as good looking as I am now. Back then I was a chubby little kid who was bullied at least three times a day. So one day when Tony Lungin decided to tease me , she stood up for me and left him with a broken nose. And since that day she's been my savior. My savior from bullies when I was a child , and now my happy escape from when things get too messed up.

Beth is everything you could ever want. If she can get someone as messed up as me to show my what she likes to call "soft and goofy side" to her then she can do anything. She has helped me out in so many ways and I will forever be indebted to her. The thought of her getting hurt makes my stomach sick because she deserves the world and more. She might not be perfect. But she's my kind of perfect. And I love each and every little flaw of hers because she holds my heart.

I mentally slapped myself for being so cheesy all of a sudden and decided to text Britney. If Beth was gonna go with that douche Xavier then my ego could not handle the satisfaction that her face got once she realized I was dateless. It came as no surprise when Britney almost screamed 'yes' before I even completed my sentence because that girl was as desperate as a cougar.

I was on my way back to home when I suddenly realized I lived with Beth now. How stupid could I have been? This meant I would be facing her for the rest of the day. Maybe we could work things out. I could at least apologize for being a jerk. Sighing , I went back to the house , hoping she was awake so that we could discuss our little fight. Best friends have fights and we did too so I wasn't really worried about her being mad enough to break our friendship on such a stupid thing.

I went to the house and found Beth playing with Katie in the front yard.

God , I love this girl.

I smiled and walked over to them,

"Allyy!", Katie screamed and came to hug me almost toppling me over.

"Hey Katie bug. You smell clean and we both know that doesn't happen very often." I teased her.

"You're such a meanie Ally!" Katie pouted whilst crossing her arms.

"Relax brat. I was just teasing." I said tickling her.

"S-stopp!" she tried to wriggle out of my grasp whilst laughing hysterically.

I let her go and she ran back in the house which left me alone with Beth and it was perhaps the most awkward silence we had ever encountered. But then suddenly she ran up to me and engulfed me in a hug. I immediately wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry for being such a jerk to you." She whispered against my shoulder.

"Hey, it was both of our faults. Let's just not fight over something so stupid."

"Let's never fight. How about that?"

"Sounds perfect" I smiled.

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Yes I posted after 2 million years. But I dont know if I even want to continue writing this book .-.

Anyways, dont let that stop you from voting and commenting!

Signing out as a forever hopeless romantic :p