Don't ever live- Part 1

New world. New beginning. Those are the words that come to mind when most people run the theme of "death." No one really knows what happens after those all complement and practicality are the product of man's instinct, the frightening answer everyone away from her. Although, I do not know how it feels to be in "the next world", but I know what it is to stay here, without him, in this world.
I hate myself right now so hate myself more than I loved anyone. Already the end of December, and I'm afraid to cry, tears freezing over. I'm scared to be here without you. I am afraid to breathe. Fall in love again. Nerves begin to kick me, I hope that calm will not shatter my tears. I do not want you to see me cry, or feel.
Download pink on your grave, the only sign of life in this place. Wanted a knock on my mind all the possible questions that could be answered. "Do you see me? Hear me? You feel my heart cracked? I think the heart pounding in my head forced me to join you. You're an angel? Are you here? Standing in front of me? You have wings? I'm sure it was, but large or small wings? "
That's what's about running in my head minutes after the fearsome. I tried not to cry, do not be sad, but it did not work for me. In the first weeks I'm pretty sure I cried dozen liters. Weeks later I denied it but soon got used to the tradition of my visit to the cemetery. Every day pink rose.
Remind you that I love you. Louis, three years, three years, we're not under the same sky. Three years I sleep alone at night, thinking of you mechanically not sleep. Quiet. This is the only word I can describe this period, you are not with me, with us. In fact, every day when you're not here, there was silence. I hope you're standing over me and I just can not see it. I swear, just when we met and declared my love to you I'll never forget you.
I remember the butterflies in my stomach every time our eyes met. I remember those nights we spent alone with thoughts migrating each other. I remember the band, tattoos trained after long thinking. I remember all the songs I wrote for you, without your knowledge. I remember the happy moments and sad moments.
I remember your laugh, made me laugh attacks. I remember how you like your coffee in the morning and my desire to know what you think, when you look at the stars. I remember your scent, your soft voice, your love. I also remember crying every night since you left.
Lou, I feel so fucking lonely without you.