It is not wise to long for something.
It is not good to weep for what is not present.
It is not good to regret and it is not good to doubt
November 18th.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
He frantically flips through the hefty stack of papers on the cluttered desk that hugs the corner of his room. He's not happy now. I'm not surprised.
I slink out of the room while he's occupied and shut myself in the restroom which is located directly next to our room. My head is pounding and his frustrated tone is only making it worse. Why hadn't I taken my pills from the night before? I open the cabinet and quickly eye down every single bottle and box that stand crisply in line. I know their order and where everything is. I also know that I won't find the advil I'd bought two nights ago here because I'd left them in our room. I wasn't going to bother rummaging through the room right now though with Gabe currently inhabiting the room. I close the cabinet and jump slightly when I see Gabe standing in the doorway through the mirror.
"Mia, did you not hear me calling your name? Are you suddenly hard of hearing?"
I shake my head and twist around while picking at my nightgown.
"No, I just didn't hear you is all, Gabe. I'm sorry."
"Well I can't find my keys and you don't seem to be helping so I'm just going to see Len about letting me catch a ride with him today."
"Len?" I question. He's never been too fond of Len but somehow always seems to be in contact with him.
"Yes, Len. Len our neighbor. Anyways, I'll be back before 6. You know the drill." He gives me a hard look and peers down at my fingers quickly before nodding at me and swiftly turning and dissapearing. Moments later I hear the front door shut and I walk back to the room.
I look on tables and under the bed. In the drawers and our closet. Eventually I arrive to the mess of a bed left from this morning. I pull back the covers and reach under my pillow and pull out what will soon be my savior. Popping two in my mouth, I grab the glass of water on the nightstand and swallow them quickly. That should do the trick. I've been relying on these pills for only a couple days or so but that's still more than usual. I've never really had problems with headaches and such but lately they've been a recurring nightmare for me. I don't want to stand up at this point because my mind feels fuzzy with everything that has happened from Tuesday to last night. I know tonight will be no exception though if I once again fail to go through with everything that is expected of me, it'll be even worse since It's Friday. There will be nothing to limit him. I can't once again fall asleep. It will be a neverending cycle. I have to fight the fuzziness spreading throughout my head. I raje my fingers down my face and rub my eyes.
Stay awake Mia. Stay. Awake.
I sit up and blood rushes to my head making me dizzy. A nap wouldnt hurt right? I can set an alarm this time - twenty minutes. Twenty minutes is nothing. I have practically all day to finish all of the chores.
I contemplate whether I should or not and finally cave in. Twenty minutes set. Sleep.
-
Deep breath and I'm staring at the textured ceiling of our bedroom. Endless swirls that lead to more neverending swirls that all look like faces staring at me; judging me. Judging me because I did NOT sleep twenty minutes. I slept 2 hours. I know because I remember waking up and shutting off my alarm. I'm behind and I blame myself. I just needed sleep after everything that happened the night before and the medicine just helped so much. I still have time though, so I quickly slip into a dress and long coat with boots and pin my hair back. I swipe a coat of mascara on and grab my purse.
