I wanna go home.
I don't want to go back to that house.
I want to be engulfed in the arms of my home. I don't want to submerge myself in scalding hot water in that house while trying to not cry.
I want to take a picture of the setting sun behind my home with its beautiful, sweet smile brighter than the sun could ever be. I don't want to look at myself in that house's bathroom mirror just to watch myself fall apart and crumble.
I want to fall asleep with my home by my side, safe and sound. I don't want to fall asleep with an aching chest and tears threatening to spill while I choke on sobs to keep them quiet.
I want to explore the world while still homebound. Not stay stranded in that house of hell.
I feel safest at home. I feel as if nothing could harm, or even touch, me, but at that house I'm terrified to go inside in fear of what waits for me behind the door.
What kind of storm should I expect before walking into that house? My sister can flawlessly hide her fear and walk right in, ready for it all.
I try my best to hide it all under a mask, but it seems as if sitting in the passenger side of my sister's Corolla, either on the highway back or in the driveway, has all of my barriers and dams break and crumble down to nothing.
She always has tissues and napkins in her car.
When I go home and tell of what happened, I brush it off as if that wasn't my fifth breakdown of the month from them. Home still sees under it all, though. I can try my best to deceive but home will always really know even if home "believes" me.
So often I try my hardest to get out of that house. It could either be practices for two different teams, classes for kickboxing, seeing my second family, or going home. I try so hard to distance myself away safely, so one day I could easily just slip away with no problem.
I want to slip away to other countries with my home. I want to live the adventurous life I've always dreamed of. I want my home with me.
I ache to stay home. I ache to leave that house.
I love my home. I hate my house.
"Home" by Three Days Grace
YOU ARE READING
Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED
Non-FictionThis is a personal diary of an anonymous girl online. The start is rough and cringy, but it's a journal. This is the first part of my life for every stranger online to read. Go ahead. Open this story and start reading about my life and all my feelin...
