Well , hey , I geuss. my name is Ariana , but please dont call me that , its a horrid name!! Call me Ari :) so thats my name Ari Grande.
Im 17 years old .wow it seems like yesterday I was playing with barbie dolls. Now im not playing with Barbie dolls .....I am the Barbie doll. The Barbie of Brooke park secondary school. Okay maybe that makes me sound like a total bitch , But Im not.
Im your typical Blonde , popular , charming girl they have at every school. I have lots of friends , my parents are really wealthy , they have a fassion disigning buisness. Im dating that guy that loads of girls would love to be with , you know the . hot , funny , lots of friend type. I LOVE cloths , fashion and my Idol is Demi Lovato , I ADORE her.
Everyone thinks my life is perfect , a smile on my face means something to them and they believe it .
Well believe me it doesn't . it doesn't mean shit.
I have secarets , thing I hide from my family , close friends and even my 19 year old brother , who I've gone through everything with. Even my best friend - the guy who we tell everything to each other.
The truth is . I hate living. I hate everything about livivg.To me its pointless ...BREATHING, talking , walking ,laughing , I want to end it all. But I cant , I cant do anyting . I cant stand living cause of .....Him.
My boyfriend Jordan Kenney. he's the reason why im unhappy, scared , lost and suicidal.
I live with him , he's 18 . I moved out last year , soon as I turned 16. we were alwright then . we were happy together . My familyraelly liked him , even my brother and my brother is so protective its un real . So my parents gave me the permission I needed, and now me and him live together in a cozy little house not far from school. We got on so well together , But everythings changed.
Out of nowhere. He changed .he became abusive.over protective ... Violent . he hits me, slaps me , threatens me , shouts at me , locks me in my room .... He hurts me in every way possible. I have no privacy in the house. No locks on any doors in the house (other than mine witch you lock from out side) He checks my phone and laptop everyday , He has to know where I am at all times , and some people I cant even speak to. He cheats on me and makes it sure I know , He does it when I " misbehave" says its my "punishment". It hurt . It hurts me alot.
You probally think im a idot for not leaving him , but the truth is I cant , I love him to much , he doesn't mean anything he does . He apologizes , and then everythings okay . But not long after he'll lash out again. He's into drugs , hard drugs and they make him the way hie is.
I do self harm . I have for a while now . It take the pain away , But I hide pain well. Nobady knows whats really going on .And its hard to keep the fake smile up , when I know everyday what I have to live with .
Im unhappy , scared , but what can I do about it?? :(
