Twelve Septembers

1988-1991

September 5, 1988

Dear Diary,

Boy for the first day of first grade, it sure started out crummy. I was so excited to get to school and read my new books. Mom even bought me an adorable dress. I stood at the bus stop, admiring the crisp leaves around me and the chilly air. I often say that I will move to the tropics to avoid Calvin, but the fall is so pretty that I'd hate to move away. Plus, Mr Bun really likes building snow forts.

Calvin. That's where my day started taking a turn. That notorious prankster in the other kindergarten class last year was going to be in my class. All off a sudden, I heard shouting behind me. I turned around to find Calvin's mom thrusting him out the door. Somehow he managed to drag his blankets, the house phone, and a bowl of Chocolate Covered Sugar Bombs behind him as he went out the door. He'd better not disrupt our class this year...yeah right!

So anyway we got to school after a long bus ride of Calvin's complaining about how he didn't want to be there. I'm in Miss Wormwood's class this year, and she seems like a great teacher, even though she's fairly strict. Calvin was disruptive all day. For Show and Tell, he brought a charcoal briquette that naturally landed all over my new dress. Miss Wormwood was so angry that she sent him to the principal's office and he had to stay inside for recess. I even had to go home for lunch and change clothes. I hate that Calvin! I wish his parents would get transferred!

I have to go. Silent writing time is almost over...but why do I smell noodles? Lunch is over. I'm sure Calvin probably had something to do with it...again!

Love,

Susie

September 26, 1989

Dear Diary,

Not much has changed since last year! Miss Wormwood moved up the the second grade, so I am in her class again. Calvin's in my class again, too. Blech. He mentioned something this morning about me being an insult to GROSS (whatever that is). He said something about a slimy girls club and how I was not invited, so I had to sit as far from him as possible at all times. Not that I care!

Anyway, this year we're going to do a big unit on Europe. I'm really excited because that's where my ancestors come from. Calvin groaned and said that he'd rather study the dinosaurs. I ignored him. I'm used to his complaining by now. But as Miss Wormwood was going over countries and capitals, he took some dinosaur toys out from his desk and began to run them around the room, onto everyone's desks and played out vicious dinosaur battles with them. How annoying! Remember last year when I complained about smelling noodles? That noodleloaf brain snuck into the kitchen and tried to steal all the ice cream sandwiches again. Unfortunately for him, they were blocked by frozen noodle packets and the only place to move them to place them out of the way was in some boiling pots. I don't think he realized how much he put in there, because they started cooking until they set the fire alarms off. (As you can probably guess, he told me all about it at lunch the day after.) Somehow, nobody realized it was him! He seemed more concerned about Santa finding out that he did something bad. (I won't bother telling him that Santa doesn't exist. Please, I found out in kindergarten!) I really need to start getting to know more girls. Guys are such morons!

Love,

Susie

September 18, 1990

Dear Diary,

A new decade, a fresh start. The weirdest thing happened this morning. I was playing on the swings with Candace when she decided that she wanted to play house instead. So I ran back to my locker to grab Mr. Bun so he could be our child. Yes, I still play with Mr. Bun. He's a better friend than most people at school. Anyway, we had decided to make our house under the monkey bars when that evil bully Moe came over. I invited him to play, but he said he wanted to have Mr. Bun...or else! Naturally, I said no and hid him behind my back. After all, he was my child! Then Moe yanked him out of my hands and ran away. I almost started to cry, but then I noticed a kid in some dorky superhero outfit come charging toward him. He yelled some words like, "YAAAHH! DIE, ZOGWARG BULLY, DIE!" What the heck is a zogwarg? He pounced on Moe, who was like three times his size, and took Mr. Bun away from him and gave him back to me. Moe was so shocked that he just lay there. I was shocked that Calvin would do something like this. When I tried to thank him, he only replied, "Don't thank the mild mannered Calvin! Thank....STUPENDOUS MAN!" He hummed a jaunty tune and sped off before a teacher caught him. I saw him in detention after school. When I asked why, he said that he got in trouble for tackling Moe. He scowled and complained about the tyranny in our school. He did have a point. Why didn't Moe get in trouble for stealing Mr. Bun? Calvin was only trying to help me. Maybe there's "tyranny" in this school after all. I can't believe I just wrote that. I think I need to take a break from writing and go talk to Candace.

Love,

Susie

September 17, 1991

Dear Diary,

Calvin asked me to be his sidekick today! He said that after last year's episode with Moe, Stupendous Man noticed my worth and decided that he wanted a partner in his crime-stopping adventures. No way would I ever be caught dead playing superheroes! I asked why Hobbes couldn't do it, and suddenly he looked sad. He told me that Hobbes wasn't real anymore and that they couldn't play together. That seemed strange to me, but then again talking with Calvin is often nothing less than an out-of-body experience. He probably never even noticed that Hobbes was only a stuffed animal. So I agreed to go back to his house and see Hobbes. I miss that fluffy tiger. He always took my side back when Calvin was in first grade and was fighting me in a water gun fight or throwing water balloons at me or whatever else that he did. And he was so darn cuddly. No offense, Mr. Bun.

When we got up to his room, I saw that he had a point. Hobbes looked less lifelike than I remembered, even though he was only a stuffed animal to me. Calvin started to cry and said that they were supposed to go on a time-travel adventure to the Middle Ages after school. I thought about how I would feel if Mr. Bun didn't want to play with me anymore, so I agreed to go with him. He thought about this, and then agreed. He pulled out this cardboard box from his closet and I had no idea what I was about to get myself into. He took it into the yard and we got in.

I really underestimated Calvin's imagination. He seemed to think that we were truly in the midst of the Middle Ages instead of his backyard. He kept getting his history wrong and thought that there was a fire-breathing dragon chasing me. But I had fun, because I got to play the role of the princess. For a minute, I got so into it that I almost felt the silk gown on my body. Soon, his mom called him inside for dinner- he took that to mean that the time travel box was alerting him to get back inside. So back we flew to the present, where I went home. You know, Calvin isn't as bad as everyone says. Maybe he just needs a friend. That's a feeling I know all too well.

Love,

Susie