No More

I give up what's the point. Nothing goes right for me. The people I like end up being in relationships , there is always yelling in the house , I'm "useless" or "unwanted" and mostly my friends are never there for me when I'm always there for them.

Sometimes I wonder what the easy life is like. Would it be better than living the one I have now? Nobody really shows that they truly care about me. Sure my friends might say it but they never show it. Feeling worthless is the worst feeling in the world.

People at school always say I'm mean, ugly,annoying and most of all not liked. Sure I don't care if people like me it's just the way I interpret it is what stabs my chest. When I think of nobody liking me is that nobody cares or wants me in the world. Sometimes I think that's true since my dad never wanted me.

Every time my step dad is home I either get in trouble or there is yelling. When he was gone for a few months life was peaceful. But now he is here like everyday and I HATE it. He causes pain to me and my mom and she hasn't left him yet. Then when I treat him like a douche bag I get in trouble. My mom always says he supports me in everything I do when he doesn't. The only thing I see him as is a big bag of money.

So I ended up liking these three people and once I actually realized I liked them they got girlfriends. Like how does that only happen to me. Of coarse when I stopped liking this guy who always makes me laugh he breaks up with his girlfriend. I couldn't ask him out or anything because I didn't want to be a rebound.

Every time my friends need advice to deal with someone I'm always there to help. I always help them with school and other stuff. When they are bored and want to hang out I let them come over and we would usually have fun. I don't understand why they wouldn't return the favor. Yeah sure I go to their house every once in a while but not anymore. They have the right to have their own life but they seriously can't hang out for a few hours.

Right now I could seriously be on the verge of killing myself and they wouldn't be here for me. I still wonder if they would care if I left them forever. They probably wouldn't care because they're to busy having fun with their other friends that they talk shit behind their back and don't trust. Like wow they trust me with everything and now they keep secrets from me and tell the back stabbers. Let's just applaud them for being idiots since the secret that they wouldn't tell me soon was spread around through the whole grade.

I help their problems, I help them I'm an awkward situation, I help them with school, I keep their secrets and most of all I trust them and depend on them. If I said that they do all those things with me I would be lying. I'm not needed anymore. Nobody wants or needs me so tell me; what's the point of living? To see new things? To prove them wrong? I can't take depression any longer and neither can anyone else who goes through this. People should open up their eyes and realize what they are doing. I did and I'm a better person. Just why do the good people always suffer?

People think suicide is the easy way out when they don't know the pain they go through. Cutting themselves is nothing compared to the internal pain they get when their brain gives them messages saying "You're worthless." The memories are worse than what actually happens. Bullying is the number one cause of suicide. Another cause is not being cared about. When someone is being isolated from others they usually go through a phase where they don't care anymore. They think nobody cares so their life wouldn't be different when the person kills themselves.

The worst thing that happened to me was someone I knew didn't think no one cared or even acknowledged them. So they killed them self. Once it was to late everyone was devastated. The friends that abandoned her were weeping thinking it was their fault so they later on became addicts. Her crush liked her back but was to shy to talk to her. He also tried the whole I like you so I'll be mean to you thing but that didn't work well. He thought it was his fault and thought he shouldn't live so he jumped off the school. She was a young, smart, pretty and the kindest person in the world. She could've been somebody. She could've solved a wold problem. But people were to stupid to realize what they were doing. That's the thing about bullying. No one realizes that they're doing it once someone is injured or dead because of it.

I finally thought I could trust and have fun with my friends. I asked if we could hang out but they said they had plans. Apparently they had plans with each other without me. I'm going through a crappy life and trying to have fun to get over it. But no my so called friends make it worse. It makes me think that they don't like me and don't want to be around me unless they are desperate to hang out with someone. I'm not going to be an item used when you have nothing else to do. Say goodbye to me because I am DONE!

The only person who was there for me is gone. I can't find anyone else. Trust is gone and so is my faith. No more just no more can't handle it anymore.