Life is a roller coaster

Falling in love

I never pictured myself falling in love with anyone, but never the less I fell in love with the boy that I have been friends with for over a decade but said boy was already in a relationship of two years and I didn't know what to do. I always pictured myself marrying him, silly right? I knew that I wanted to be with him but I didn't know how to tell him that. I always had to pretend to be happy for him even though I was dying on the inside.

Every time he and Mike, his boyfriend, went out leaving me behind, I would always find myself in my room crying myself to sleep. It went on like that unlike I finally blew up. I was so hurt that Rain was blind to the love that I had for him that I just right out told him how I felt and what did he do? He laughed saying that I was being stupid and that he loved Mike and that I should just forget about my feelings for him because he would never date me and that hurt more than I thought it would.

Falling in love should be something good but in reality, it's the hardest thing anyone can go through. I had cried in front of him which was the first time he had seen me cry but I didn't regret it. I showed him just how much his words hurt me. I remember the look on his face when he saw me, he looked guilty and I knew that he was going to apologize but I had run out of the living room and to my room, shutting the door behind me and locking it to keep him from entering. I remember packing everything the night before because I knew how that day was going to turn out. I had bought an apartment three hours away from that one and had all my things brought over yesterday while Rain was out with Mike.

Memories of that night still haunt me to this day but I have moved on from that pain. It had taken all my willpower not to look Rain in the eyes when I walked out of my room with my suitcase. I knew Mike was over because I could hear his voice as he signed to Rain. The TV was playing some kind of movie but I doubt they were paying attention to it. Though the moment I stepped out of my room, Rain was in the hall the moment I walked out and I could see him from the corner of my eye stiffens when he saw me. Mike was behind him moments later pulling him against his chest but I could see that smirk on his face as he saw me. I still remember the words he spoke as if they were said yesterday.

"Finally"

"You're a loser Kyle"

"Rain told me how you had proclaimed your feelings to him and how he shut you down"

"You're quite pathetic, to be honest, no wonder my boyfriend doesn't want to be your friend anymore" those words hurt more than they should have. I chuckled and shook my head and said

"Better to be pathetic than be a possessive asshole" I had replied making him angry and Rain frown at me.

Goodbye Rain I had signed before walking out of the apartment leaving behind half of my heart. Months after that day, Rain had somehow found out where I had moved to and showed up on my doorsteps, with tear-stained cheeks, a bloody nose, and a busted lip. I was shocked to see the once happy-go-lucky guy that I have known practically all my life standing at my doorsteps looking vulnerable and broken. I remember asking him if Mike had hit him but he just kept quiet which only answered my question.

I was beyond pissed because even though I knew Mike was possessive over Rain, I never thought that he would hit him to the point where Rain would run to me off all people. The rain had made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with me when he right out rejected me. I wanted to tell him that he deserved it but I knew that he didn't. The only reason why I wanted to say those things to him was that I was hurt and was still trying to get over him. I remember allowing him to enter my apartment and how I had tended his wounds. I saw his body covered in purple, green, and blue bruises along with cuts. I looked up at him when I saw that most of those cuts were fresh.

Did you do these? I had asked him but he looked away taking his arm away from my hold though I did see a few tears rolling down his cheeks. My heart ached at the sight of the boy that I had fallen in love with crying and with cuts littering his arms, legs, and stomach. I had gone behind his back and told the police about him being abused by his boyfriend which he later found out and told me that I had no right to do that which only pissed me off more.  After that day I didn't see him until I got a call from the hospital about Rain having been brought in after a neighbor heard Mike shouting and throwing things around in the apartment next door. I had been at work that day so I had told my boss that I had an emergency and that I needed to go and I was lucky that he allowed me to leave. Cars and houses zoomed by me as I speed down the empty highway towards the hospital.

The moment that I had pulled into the hospital, I parked my car and ran into the building. I ran inside and straight to the front desk asking where Rain's room was

"Hello, I'm here to see Rain Jackson," I said as soon as I walked to the desk and the nurse looked up to me and then asked

"Are you family?"

"No" I replied and she nodded

"Sorry, only family can see the patient at the moment" she responded and I groaned

"Please, his parents live out of state, I'm the only person he has" I pleaded

"Sorry, sir, but I can-" she began to protest but a doctor cut her off

"You must be Kyle, I'm doctor Stevens, Rain's doctor," he said extending his hand out for me to shake

"Yeah, um, nice to meet you" I replied shaking his hand

"I was wondering when you would get here" he chuckled and the nurse looked confused before realization clouded her features

"Oh my goodness, you're the man that I had called a few minutes ago, Oh my, I'm so sorry" she apologized and shook my head

"It's alright, um, how is he doc?" I asked turning to the man in his late 30s with dark brown hair that looked black, warm brown eyes.

"He's stable now, he was signing that he wanted to see you" he answered and I furrowed my brows

"H-how do you know he was asking to see me?"

"Because I can read and sign" he stated and I nodded

"C-can I see him?" he nodded and showed me the way to the room. He patted my shoulder and left, allowing me to gather my thoughts before I opened the door only to stop in my tracks letting a gasp leave my lips. The sight in front of me killed me. Ran was lying on the bed with an oxygen mask covering his face, his left arm was in a cast, his upper torso was covered in gauze, and his right leg was in a sling and a cast.

He was sleeping peacefully and it made him look even more fragile than he already looked. Bruises and cuts covered his face and it made my stomach churn. I knew that I should have done something to keep this from happening to him. I knew that I should have tried harder to make him realize that what Mike was doing to him was not something to be OK with. An IV needle was placed on his right hand that was resting beside him and the beeping of the heart monitor was the only indication that he was still alive. I walked slowly towards his bed and swallowed the lump in my throat. I brushed the hair from his eyes and looked down at him

"Look what he did to you" I whispered, tears stinging my eyes but I willed them away because I didn't want to wake him up by a tear falling on his skin. It pained me to see him this way. I sat on the chair that was next to the bed before taking his hand in mine. I brought it to my lips where I placed a kiss on his knuckles.

"I love you so much that it hurts me to see you as this" I murmured and that time I couldn't hold my tears away but how can I when the person that I love is lying on a bed covered from head to toe in bruises?

I snapped my eyes open when the memory of seeing Rain in the hospital flashed through my mind. It still hurts to remember him looking so broken and fragile like that. I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands before resting my elbows on my knees. Days and nights pass me by and every time I close my eyes I remember different things from my past with Rain and every time that happens, I find myself thinking about why I had done what I did when I ended my relationship with him.