Life is a roller coaster

Losing you

The worst thing that I could have ever done was let him go. I don't even know why I did it.  I guess I was angry at the fact that he had been seeing his ex while we were together. Why would he do that when he was with me? And after what Mike had done to him while they were together? I never really understood why he would do something like that. I made mistakes throughout my lifetime, and the biggest mistake was when I let him walk out of my life taking my heart with him.

Every day when I wake up, I always call his name but never hear anything telling me that he was here, instead, I always got the same reply, silence. Everything around me has become nothing but a faint memory of what I once had with him. Everything in my small apartment reminds me of him. The couches, the bed, the kitchen, and even the bathroom; it hurts being here because all I end up doing is thinking about him and the day that he walked away from me after I had said something horrible to him. How I wish I could take those words back because every time I remember them, I remember the look of hurt in his eyes.

I was sitting in the living room, waiting for Rain to get home from work, though he was supposed to be out a few hours ago and I was beginning to get worried that something might have happened to him. I was about to get up and go look for him when the front door opened. I heard keys being thrown into the key plate on the counter next to the door. I got up from my seat and walked out into the hall and saw Rain hanging his coat on the coat rack. I waited until he turned around to ask where he was since he couldn't hear me. Once he was done putting his stuff away, he turned around, almost jumping when he saw me standing in the hall.

Where were you? I signed to him and he just shrugged as he walked over to me, but I saw something on his neck that wasn't there this morning. I narrowed my eyes and pointed to it asking where he was and with whom he was with but he just said he wasn't with anyone since he was at work all day and that he was sorry for not texting me to let me know that he was going to be late.

Where were you Rain because I know you weren't at work, I called your boss and he told me that you left work an hour early I snapped at him making his eyes widen but before he could reply to anything, his phone beeped indicating a text message and he pulled it out and gulped. He looked up at me with wide eyes and I took his phone from him before he could say anything, and read the message which was a bad idea because the name that flashed across the screen was the name of the person who I never thought would hear from again.

The message was something that made my blood run cold and my jaw clench.

The message read: hey baby I miss you already, I wish you didn't have to go so soon, when can we see each other again? I want to hold you and make love to you again ~ Mike I looked up at Rain and saw tears running down his cheeks and tried to walk towards me but I shook my head and told him to get out, that I didn't want to see him again that he was nothing but a whore and that I regret ever dating him. I knew that I was crying because I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks with every sign that I did. Rain looked devastated and kept apologizing but I just ignored him.

He cheated on me this whole time and made me look like a fool. I can't believe I fell for his lies. I watched him pack his things before he walked out of the apartment, but the minute that he walked through the door I wanted to run after him and tell him that I was sorry for everything that I said and that I didn't mean any of them but I didn't. I stood by the door, tears running down my cheeks like a waterfall.

I sighed as that memory flashed through my mind. Even though it's been over three years since that day, it still hurts thinking about him, about all the good memories that we shared before I made the biggest mistake in my life. I lost him and I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm still madly in love with my blue-eyed boy.