It Was Me, I Did It, Now Give Me The Knife.

I only have small problems

          Minikui is my name.Just  Minikui. It means "ugly" in Japanese. But my mother wouldn't have known that. She was addicted to cocaine when she had me. She thought Minikui was a beautiful sounding name. And it is. And the meaning fits me well.

          I've learned that I have problems. Small problems. Like apparently, I have OCD, ADD, and ADHD. Apparently, I'm schizophrenic.

          I have problems. I have a lot of problems.

          I don't want help.

          I don't want a fake family to act like they love me for a month or two, then turn into their normal selves and hate me.

          I don't want a shrink- oh, excuse me. "Counselor" to listen to all of my problems, act like they can help. Act like they care. Then go home to their happy family. Having to have all of my problems in the back of their head.

          They've tried making me talk to them. I just sit there and look at a corner. I just sit there and and chose a corner. usually the one right behind the shrinks head. Looking at that corner, my eyes are dangerously close to their face. They think I'm listening for the first five minutes. But when I don't answer, when they realize my eyes are distant, glazed over. They realize their not getting through to me. Around that time, they let out a soft sigh. They're probably thinking "It's another one of THOSE patients huh?" And they're right. I know the game. I have all the steps in my head.

          A game is all it is. They ask questions, I answer dishonestly if I answer at all. They pretend to be writing notes about what i said, when really, they're writing down "Not cooperating" or "Shows not interest in getting better."

          As for friends, i had some.

          Alex was my favorite. she died in a car crash. "DUI" they said. I knew better. It was a suicide. I still carry her suicide note with me. Day after day.

          Dil was also a good friend. Her day came when we ran away from a man who had held us hostage in a garage all night. She told me we had to split up. She told me to meet her at her place. She told me everything would be fine. I ran to her place the long way, and by the time I got there, she was already on the steps. Her neck bent at an inhumane angle. Her mouth agape. Her eyes unblinking. She sat there, in her shredded clothes. She sat there in a pool of blood, a slightly horrified look on her unmoving face. She sat there dead, and I embraced her for an hour before the police came.

          Sam and I had a thing. He liked me. I liked him. We both knew it, but neither one of us said anything. Not until I walked into his house, and upstairs to his bedroom like I always did, and found him on his bed, wrists cut, an empty bottle of pills in his hand, loud music blazing. I begged him not to leave. I begged him not to leave me. I told him I loved him. He told me he loved me too, and that he's sorry he's leaving. He said he'd always be with me. I asked why he did it. All he said was "Don't be like me, little Squirtle. Be strong." And left me alone in the world.

          They all left me.

          Every single one of them.

          I could join them now, but I have unfinished business.

          I'm going to find the bastard who dismissed Alex's death as a D.U.I. I'm going to make them fix the records. I want people to be aware that she wasn't the happy soul everyone believed she was.

          I'm going to find the fucker who slaughtered Dil again. I'm going to make sure he remembers my face. I'm going to make sure he realizes why I'm there. I'm going to kill him with my bare hands, and I'm going to enjoy it.

          I'm going to snoop around and investigate until I find the reason why Sam left me. I'm going to do everything i can. I'll lie if I have to. I'll cheat if I have to. I'll kill if I have to. Anything. That's what it will take for me to find answers.

          I have some problems. Small problems.

          I don't want help.

          I won't accept help.

          I can't have my friends back.

          Help is not an option.