If I Could Tell Him (Tree Bros)

First Day of Senior Year

A/N: Hey m'dudes what's up? decided to write about the sycamore squad

Evan Hansen sighed and rolled out of bed. It was the first day of senior year.

Just one more year, he told himself, and he would be free from that hell. After He brushed his teeth and changed, his mom walked in, already in her nurse scrubs.

"Have you been writing those letters to yourself? 'Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day, and here's why:"

"I started one."

"Those letters are important, honey, they're going to help you build your confidence!" Heidi nudged her son's side with a smile, "Can we try to have an optimistic outlook, huh? Can we buck up just enough to see the world won't fall apart? Maybe this year, we decide, we're not giving up before we've tried. This year we make a new start."

Her eyes lit up, signifying an idea.

"Hey, I know! You can go around today and ask the other kids to sign your cast. How about that?""

"Perfect."

"I'm proud of you already."

"Oh, good."

With that, she ruffled his hair and left.

Evan smiled to himself.

Maybe today would be a good day.

~ at the Murphy's ~

Connor Murphy rubbed his eyes, tired from staying up until four am last night on tumblr.

Yes, he was internet trash, and he didn't give a fuck.

He bent over his bed reached under the mattress, groping around the bottom of it until he felt a little bag, He pulled it out, opened it up, and lit a joint. Fucking hell. Another year of this shit. He sure as hell needed to be stoned to make it through at least first period.

After multiple puffs, he flicked it into the trash can and lit a candle to cover up the weed smell.

"This should be good enough for now," he muttered as he exited his room.

He sat down at the dinner table and began to eat, not saying anything to his family. He could barely stand any of them, except for Zoe, maybe. She was a raging bitch most of the time, but there were times when she was cool. Rarely, though. There was no way Connor would admit that he loved his sister. His mom was so goddamn patronising and condescending. It didn't matter to Connor anyway, He would blow this crummy town after high school and do whatever the fuck he wanted. He didn't fucking care.

"It's your senior year, Connor, you are not missing the first day."

He rolled his eyes. Why did this bitch assume that he was going to? He was actually going to school today.
He didn't reply. He just continued to eat his pancakes.

He couldn't deal with this shit right now. He took a deep breath.

Do not blow up. Do not blow up. Do not blow up.

"He doesn't listen. Look at him, he's probably high."

Don't yell. Don't yell. Stay calm.

"He's definitely high."

Do not blow up. You do not need to be forced to go to another damn therapy session.

"I don't want you going to school high, Connor!"

FInally, Connor couldn't take it anymore. He had let his anger issues get the better of him, and the weed definitely didn't help.

"Perfect, so then I won't go. Thanks, mom!"

He walked back up the stairs, utterly defeated.

At least I didn't yell.

Sass was one of the biggest coping mechanisms for Connor's anger issues.

Wit was a much better way of arguing with his parents.

His depression, however, led to weed. Weed numbed his senses. It made him feel like all of the horrible things that were going on in the world weren't there. It also led him to blindly verbally attacking his family, due to the removal of his self-control.

Connor was stuck. Stuck in a vicious cycle.

He sometimes felt that he had no soul, no heart. His family hated him. The entire school hated him. He hated himself as well, and he agreed with the voices.

You're worthless.

What's the point of you even living?

You will never amount to anything.

You can't do any good in this world.]

Why not kill yourself?

Or are you too pussy?

Connor Murphy, the insane kid who can't even do the world a favor by killing himself.

How sad.

Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes.

Tomorrow, after school.

He would do the world a favor.