roses

01

Wednesday, 3rd January 2018

11:19 pm

I've come to the realisation that I've been living in a life of not realising what the reality is but I constantly believe I am living in a life made up of dreams. It's not that I'm denying the reality but I'm constantly caught up in the fact that this is a cruel world. A world where things we might have hoped that would never happen to us exists.

Life has unexpected events that appear randomly, out of the blue, honestly, it's not even surprising anymore if I wake up the next day finding out something unexpected has happened because that's how life works and it's what the upper has planned for us. However, this should not stop us from living our life to the fullest. As we may know life can have unexpected turnovers but that shouldn't stop us from succeeding happiness.

We are constantly caught up with worries and stress from school, work and relationships with people that we don't stop for a minute to look at ourselves at how we should live our life to the fullest and let the judgements of what others think of us be thrown away out through the window like kicking a soccer ball to the other side of the field.

Letting go the judgments of other people are hard. I know. It's not even easy. Especially when they are people you are close to. As a matter of fact, I've been through the thoughts that devoured my mind, "oh I shouldn't do this", "what if they think I'm stupid?" or "I wish they could just notice my feelings". Those thoughts that devoured my mind had slowly eaten me away from realising that who cares about what others think about you, showing others your real self and your feelings that you express out loud will make people you love you !!

Because who are they to judge you and change the way you are?  

They cannot do that, even if they are your parents, they still cannot do that - no one can change the way a human strives for life and emotions, no one can force you to change the way you are just to fit in their standards. Because you make yourself the way you are, you do what you kow does best for you, you do what ever makes you happy because happiness is the key to success. 

No one has the right to obtain that key to success and change the way you live your life. 

I went through a stage where I was afraid to show my true emotions to other people, I kept it behind a mask, I today still do but it much less now - I could be lying right now but it's okay. I hid from others relying on one person to share the real side of myself; the soft and sensitive girl with countless of problems she faces everyday not the so-called smart girl in class who is intimidating to everyone. Opening up to a person is a large process, it takes baby steps and with those baby steps, it leads you to the top. Opening up isn't easy, trusting people isn't easy.

BUT  slowly as you take those baby steps, it leads the way. After taking those baby steps, I became who I am today - the girl who sends endless weird and funny Instagram stories to her private group chat with twelve people in it, not caring of what the twelve other people think of her, but letting out her constant stress and worries on maintaining that mask she had on her face lying to people who she is truly is. 

--- yoojungie xx

author's note ; i know some paragraphs does not makes sense, to me it does because im writting it but by the time im edittng this raw veriosn i would be questioning myself, how the heck did it made sense to me when i first wrote it.  anyways ive been meaning to write how i felt tonight, well over here right now it is 12:32am and by the time i publish this it would be late. this is still a raw version, i'll find time later in the week to edit this out but i will try to do so as fast as i can