꧁༺Loser (G.B.D) ༻꧂

F O U R

I woke up this morning feeling nervous. But this time I know why. Grayson Dolan is coming to my house today. I get up early so I can clean the house which is silly because it's not like I'm trying to impress him it's just that I don't want him making fun of me. My house is nice but it stinks of alcohol and cigarettes. I spray the house and it smells of vanilla now. Just like it used to smell when mom was alive ....

It's a hot day today so I put some high waisted back shorts on with some rips in. I match that up with a green crop top and my green superstars. I quickly throw my hair into a messy bun and then wait for chlo to come and pick me up.
"Morning hunny" my dad says
"Morning dad. I have someone coming round tonight so please don't be passed out on the sofa.... it's embarrassing"
"I'm sorry ellie it's just hard..." he says but I cut him off
"Dad just please do not be passed out when I get back"
And with that I leave because Chloe has arrived

I hop into the car ready to tell her about Grayson but then I remember his words.
"You tell no one!"
So I decided not to tell her and we talked about random shit. Dylan isn't coming to school today because he has bruised ribs. I hate them dicks that beat him up leaving him in pain. It's fucking disgusting.

I have art next so I made my way to the class. I go and sit down. Grayson isn't here yet. The lesson starts and still no show of Grayson. Until half way through the lesson. He burst in the class. His hair is messy. His lips are swollen and he has lipstick on his cheek. He has totally just fucked someone god knows where!
"Sorry I'm late miss" He says coming to sit next to me. He takes his seat and I stare at him.
"What" He scowls
"You have a little something there on your cheek" I say pointing to the lipstick. He quickly wipes it off and I continue with my drawing. And Grayson stares at me
"What?" I ask not taking my eyes of the drawing I'm doing.
"Nothing it's just you look... it's nothing" he says and looks away. What was he going to say. I continue drawing. We have to draw something we feel any emotion to. I have decided to draw something to represent death. My moms death... it's dark very dark. I don't want there to be any light because being realistically there is nothing light about my life at the moment. Grayson is watching me draw. Taking everything I'm doing into his eyes and into his mind. I look up from work and look at him but he continues to stare at my work.
"What are you looking at?" I snap.
"Nothing... I'm just curious what are you doing" He says
"I'm drawing which is what you should be doing unless you want to fail!" I snap.
" yeah I know that but what are you drawing" he says.
"You wouldn't understand so I'm not even going to try and explain it to you. You need to start your drawing. Do you know where the pencils are?" I ask and he shakes his head. I get up and he is staring at my ass I know he is. I get his the pencils and paper.
"Here start drawing" I say.
"But I don't know what to draw"
"Well it's meant to be something you feel any emotion towards so I guess it's going to be hard for you since your an emotionless bastard with no heart " I nastily say. He rolls his eyes and just stares at the paper. It's like he want to express something but he can't.

It's the end of the day and I have got Chloe to drop me off at work.

I finish my shift and head home. I walk in and there he is. My dad. Passed out on the sofa. Again. Even though I told him I had someone coming round. I hate him.  Just then I hear a knock at my door. I open it revealing Grayson stood there with English and maths books.
"Come on let me in" He says and I step aside so he can come in. He sees my dad on the sofa and turns to me about to say something but I say something first
"Let's go to my room" he nods his head
I walk up to my room and let him in. He looks around and takes it all in before sitting on my bed.
"Well this isn't what I expected" he says and I laugh
"Why what did you expect?" I ask
"Something lame like ponies or barbie" He says and I laugh again.
"Just because you call me a loser it doesn't mean i am one you know?"
"I know" he says and I smile. Did he actually just acknowledge I'm not a loser
"So can we get this over with I think if I stay here to long I might kill my self" he says.
"Fine" I say sitting next to him.
"So what do you not get about maths" he says
"It's not that I don't get it because I do. It's just I have not been listening in class so I don't know what we are doing." I shrug
"So how much have you missed?" He asks
"Two years ..." I say
"Two years! You expect me to teach you two years of work? Your fucking insane there is no way I'm going to give up that much time!"
"Just teach me the stuff we have been doing this year then!" I spit.
"Fine let's start with algebra"

The night went on and I actually learnt a lot. It got to 10 o'clock so Grayson decided to head home. He gathered his books together and before he left he turned back to me
"What is your dad doing sleeping on the sofa? Did your mom kick him out of the bed or something?" He laughs and my heart instantly sinks
"No" I bluntly answer
He scowls at me and turns to leave
"Grayson?" I ask
"What" he snaps
"What excuse did you tell Ethan for you being gone so long?" I ask
"Why do you want to know loser?"
"Just curious"
"I said I was fucking my side bitch" he smirks
"Classy" I say
"Shut the fuck up" He says and with that he leaves slamming my door.

I brush my teeth and slip into my bed. It doesn't take me long to fall asleep. But I wake up again screaming and screaming. I had that dream again. It's the dream I always have. The dream where my mom dies over and over again. Tears fall down my face and all I want is someone to come running up and care about me. I want them to hug me and ask me what's wrong. I want them to calm me down. But no one is going to do that. Because no one cares.

No one cares