Involved

nineteen

killian martinez

"Dre, punch me again and you'll regret it," I shoved him off of me. Isabelle was small, but she could punch. She did her damage and I let her because I understood how angry she was. She had every right to be angry. I messed up.

I had a basketball game tonight which I hoped would act as a good distraction for everything I've been feeling these past two weeks. Considering I haven't practiced or played, I was out of shape. So, I arrived on the court early to practice and warmup on my own. Dre found me and showed no remorse in sharing his anger by punching me. I could accept them from Isabelle, but not him. I didn't need anyone else to make me feel shittier about my actions because I was doing that all on my own.

"Would you prefer a gun to your head? Because that's exactly what you'll get from Junior when he finds out," he threw an even harder punch that made me fall onto the basketball court.

I was exhausted and never felt so unprepared and distracted for a game. I hardly even wanted to play, but my coach threatened me. Missing a third game meant I would be kicked off the team. Considering everyone wanted to win because we've lost the past two games, he wasn't going to let me be kicked off the team.

"So he doesn't know?" I rolled onto my back, letting my eyes fall shut.

I assumed he knew but was waiting for the opportunity to catch me off guard. If she hadn't told him, that meant there was hope that she'd forgive me. She thinks everything between us is a lie and I wish she would let me talk to her.

"Don't get excited. If she doesn't tell him, I will," Dre threatened and made me catapult to my feet.

"No you won't. You're going to stay out of this because it has nothing to fucking do with you," I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt to bring him close. "Stay out of my relationship!" Telling Junior meant setting myself up for failure. He would never let Isabelle forgive me and there would be no chance of us getting back together.

Honestly, it was stupid that I was holding out hope. We've been over for three weeks now and the last time I saw her, she made it clear where she stood. I have no choice but to respect her decision.

"I warned you! I gave you a clear warning and you-"

"I know what I did," I cringed just thinking about it. Shoving him away from me, I reached for the basketball on the court. The stands were filling up and they were starting to prepare for the game. So I left the court, heading to the locker room.

"So you recorded it for what? You like watch it back and jerk off knowing she had no idea you were filming her? Is that some sort of kink of yours? You like to show your stupid frat boys the prize you have? Do you guys all beat your cocks off in a circle while watching it?" Dre spoke quietly as he followed me through the locker room. He was poking at me and waiting for me to snap.

All it did was break me because I know everything he's saying is what she thinks. She thinks I would embarrass her by sharing our intimate moments with my friends. And although I did it with Mariah without a care, the thought of sharing Isabelle like that never even crossed my mind. Maybe when I was recording her I thought I could do it. I thought I could let it be a game. Then I watched it back and realized I couldn't do that to her, not only because she's mine and I don't want to scare her, but because I could never humiliate her like that.

"It wasn't like that," I mumbled, sitting on the bench, leaning onto my elbows to rest my head in my hands. I needed to explain myself to her but I promised I would leave her alone. She was hurting just as much as I was. Knowing what I did to her was tearing me apart.

"I never cared about you and your stupid frat shit. None of us even questioned it when you said you were joining and we supported you. Supported you and all your fucked traditions and fucked up rituals. But this? How did you ever think you could get away with this?" He asked me a question that I didn't know how to answer because everything he said was right. His statement was the only thing I could think of the entire duration of the game.