Why Me?

***Jessica's PVO***

For the longest of time I have been living my own nightmare. I thought moving was a new start. Maybe what I needed was just to get removed from the situation. When I think about my self, and what I've been through. I also have to stop and wonder what are my siblings going through. 

Back living with my mom I had six siblings in all. I had my oldest brother, named John, my oldest sister named Angel, my second oldest brother Jason, my sister in middle school Ruby, my younger brother Jackson, and the youngest of us all Johana. 

I never thought back then that we all would be removed and have better lives.  Every time I think if their okay, I stop and say "they don't remember." They don't remember the abuse they suffered or anything. Some part of me wants them to remember, but the other part likes them to forget, so they don't have to feel the pain I feel every time I look back on life.

I now live with my step mom and dad. We live together with her 4 kids and my 3 siblings, Ruby, Jackson, and Johan. As time went on bad things started to happen and this is my story.

We live in Ohio. For all of us kids it is pretty small. We have 5 bed room, 2 bathrooms. Our house is very old. There are creaks up and down the stairs. Everything is wooden and old fashion.

***Flashback***

I sat in the hallway it was dark out. I sat there in tears no wanting to remember anything. Not wanting to go to back to Florida. I can never go back to Florida. Knowing what he did to me, to my siblings. I can't be in the same room as him. Let alone the same building as him.

I have worked so hard to forget everything that's happened. It just comes back like a nasty scar. I am scared to walk into that court room. Is it even worth it anymore. Does he need to be locked up like seriously. 

One of my sisters Anna came with me to Florida with my parents. For support of course. On the way there we had so much fun she made me forget about all that was about to go down. 

We were going up to Florida for at least a week for me to testify. I know that I have to be brave, I have to help the kids in the future who he is going to hurt. I needed to do this not just for myself, but for my siblings. I need to serve some justice for them. I told now I need to go through with my actions.

When we got to Florida the first things we did was went the the hotel we were staying at. It was January maybe February in the middle of winter when we went up there. Roads were bad. Thankfully we were already there when they got worst. 

When we organized our stuff in the hotel room we all went up the pizza hut down the street for dinner time. Before we all crash for the night. My dad and step mom were so glad to be here and to support me. 

When we ended up back at the hotel room. Anna and I are really close might I add. We wanted to go swimming with each other. In the indoor pool down stairs.

"Mom can Jessica and I go swimming for a bit?" Anna asked my step mom for the both of us. 

"Yeah, but I'm sure your dad and I would like to join you." mom said looking at dad.

"Well can we meet you down there once our suits are on and everything?" Anna asked for the both of us.

"Yeah, but you better hurry up." mom said sitting on the hotel bed.

Anna went into the bathroom first to change, while I changed next to the bed away from where they could see me. 

While we both finished up I still had to put my hair up. We went down to the pool and played so games like mermaid and others. My step mom and dad joined after a while, but I don't remember too much of that.

We got into bed that not mom and dad in one bed. Anna and I in the next.

***End of Flashback***

I have had so much lost in my life I don't know what to do with it all. 

My sister Johana suffers from intellectual disability. In other words mental retardation. No body is born like that. Something has to happen for intellectual disability to happen. I was there for Johana for as long as I could remember.

To me Johana is my responsibility. If anything happens to her I don't know what I would do. I have always looked after her since she was a baby. We have some good times, some bad. It's just hard with her disability, because she never quite understands the concept of what were teaching her. 

She had to be sent to a whole new school, because our school was not giving her the education and help she needs to succeed in life.

Moving on, she is so bright.  It's just hard to handle Johana like this.

***Flashback***

"Johana go clean the dining room." my step mom said calmly to her.

"NO!!!" Johana screamed yelling at her.

"EXCUSE ME."

It was quite. 

One of my stepsisters Caine started a fight with Johana about some stupid papers. Johana got very upset and when she gets upset it will be a very bad night for everyone. 

For the last couple of weeks we have been keeping track of when these "meltdowns" occur. It seems to be whenever my dad leaves to go to work at night. She won't listen for the rest of the night. 

Johana and my step mom were going at it for some time now. When Johana finally just dropped to the floor and laid there. My step mom asked me to go do something with her.

I started off quite and nice to her. Asking her what is the problem. She kept screaming saying she doesn't have a mom, she's never talked to our step mom. It got worst she banged her head on to the floor. I finally raised my voice to her and strictly told her that banging her head is wrong and that she needs to knock it off. 

She was crying so loud I bet the neighbors could hear. Cain finally went over to calm her down and it worked. I've never seen nothing like that before, but something tells me that we can't do this no more with her. We need to take her to a place where they can take care of her.

***End of Flash Back*** 

For a few years now I've wondered if it was my fault we got taken away. If I was the one to do it. I just don't know who's fault it is.

***Flashback***

I was walking home from school with my siblings. I went to the kitchen to get a snack. 

We had left over burgers. I just popped two in the microwave and used bread as the buns. 

I walked into my room to put my stuff down and eat my "snack". When I heard a knock at the front door. 

Our house was kind of curved so out my window, you could see the drive way and the front door. What I saw I would never have ever thought would come to my house.

Two police officers and a social worker. Why are they here, what is going on. 

I walked out of my room to understand more. When my mom looked up from looking at the social worker, with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry we have to do this, and if Jackson doesn't I brought to officers to escort him."

"Mom what is going on?" I asked coming down the stairs.

"Honey this lady is going to take you for a few days, but I'll get you back I promise."

"Okay?" I asked concerned on where we would be staying. 

My mom starting crying, scared of losing her babies. She gave all of us a big hug. 

John and Angel did not have to leave the home for some odd reason.  

Everyone got in a line outside to give us a hug good bye, telling us they would see us soon.

We got into the van my brother Jason was scared. I didn't know why at the time bc we were coming back to mom soon. We got dropped off at our grandparents house and my dad was standing there. I haven't seen him in a while. 

We never lived with my mom again. 

I just had to ask my self why me?

***End of Flashback***