A Delicate Heart

Chapter 1- Fading Away

 Falling in love is probably the most dangerous thing I've ever done. I keep thinking this is too good to be true. How can someone fill you with so much joy that you can't imagine never being with that one person? In a world surrounded by immoral, cruel, and wicked people that one person is the only motivation you need to wake up and be productive. Falling in love is like handing someone a gun/knife and trusting they won't pull the trigger or stab right through the most delicate part of your body. I've experienced heart ache and not from the love of a significant other but the love of my father who left. I blamed myself for not taking better care of my heart. There were no signs that screamed of the coming devastation I would soon encounter and yet i felt responsible. In a way we all are. We have a precious load to carry. i believe love is the basis of everything. it justifies the reason we make some of the toughest decisions we will ever make. love is  the reason I  made the toughest decision in my life.  Leaving the home I knew for a fresh start. 

 In the spirit of new beginnings I've decided to take my mothers advice and actually go to college something i never saw myself doing. i didn't want to be subjected to the expectations of everyone who thought they new me. High school or whats known as the best time of your life, sucked. The only good that came from going to that place for 4 years was the fact i met Olivia. we didn't hit it off until junior year but she just gets me and i don't need to explain myself with her.  Olivia got accepted  in the New York Academy of Art and on our last day together she told me to "go be big".  i promised i wouldn't let her down and she left, never looking back.

i've never been truly alone. i'm finding it hard to accept that maybe i need someone in order to keep me from going insane. i want to be like the people you see in the movies. the ones who don't care about what others think and inspire the few who feel stuck. being alone in this world should be a crime. why shouldn't someone have a person they can trust, rely on and comfort? or maybe that's selfish thinking? I think when you build relationships with people you lose a piece of your self and that all the people that change you or make up who you are have the benefit of sparking a movement. Each person that knew you from sometime shared a political, social, or artistic idea similar to you. You bonded over that idea and talked about the change you were going to make together. Then, because life has a funny way of doing things, that person moved on and left with that idea. It makes sense.