The Gang Leader's Girl

26. Open Mic Open Heart.

"What is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives?"

- Rupi Kaur

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Saturday came crashing out of nowhere and before I knew it I was at Betty's Cafe getting ready to open the door for the people here to perform tonight at the open mic night.

I was so busy scrambling around the place testing the microphones and setting out the signup sheets that I had missed Samantha call my name.

"Mia." She called.

My head snapped in her direction and I saw her wave me over, I instantly thought I had messed something up and she was going lecture me about it. When I reached her she pulled me off to the side and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" She asked giving me a concerned look.

"Yeah, I'm great," I told her. "Are you okay?" I asked giving her my own worried look.

Samantha laughed at me and nodded her head which instantly made feel better, I hadn't messed up yet.

"You just seem anxious." She told me.

"I'm just a little nervous," I informed her, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Okay, I'm really nervous," I told her the truth.

"You'll do great, don't worry." She tried to reassure me.

But not worrying is a lot hard than it sounds, telling somebody who has worry deeply embedded into their roots "not to worry" is like telling someone who is bleeding to stop, it's pretty much impossible.

I knew Samantha only meant well with what she said so I just nodded my head and returned doing my chores before she opened the floodgate to the crowd of people standing outside.

I tried my best to act normal like my body wasn't trying to dry heave or my skin wasn't crawling or there wasn't bile trying to work it's way up my throat. I hated the fact my nerves always made mundane tasks feel like it was the end of the world and in my head, it might as well be.

I constantly reminded myself to breathe because somehow I forgot how to do it naturally.

Please calm down. Please calm down. Please calm down.

I kept chanting those three words in my head, almost like a ritual, I mentally begged myself to stop overreacting. The night hasn't even begun and I was already a mess.

I dimmed the lighting in the cafe making it feel more comfortable and I admit, the darkness seemed more settling, I could easily hide somewhere in shadows where no one could see me.

I knew once the night progressed my anxiety would calm down, I could blend in with the people around me and I wouldn't feel so exposed.

I had just finished brewing a pitcher of tea when I heard the bells on the door jingle, letting me know people were pouring into the midsize establishment. I watched as people came in carrying guitars and notebooks, I think I even saw a girl bring in a violin.

My anxiousness seemed to get drowned out by the loud talking of the hoard in the room. The tightness in my chest released slightly and the self-deprecating feeling left for now. I was glad I didn't suffer from claustrophobia because I'd be in hell right about now.

There were people everywhere, some sitting in chairs chatting with one another, some were standing around the small makeshift stage in the corner of the room waiting to write their names on the signup sheets.