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not a day goes by without my heart aching for your smile. not a day goes by that i wish there was something i could have done. but what is nothing compared to everything? i am nothing; you were everything. you still are. but if i could have just told you how much i love you. if it could have been enough.
these days without you have been hard. having to move on with you as a memory, your voice an echo of everything i wish i could have protected. i hear you in the songs that wrench tears from my eyes even when i think they've run dry; i see you everywhere i least expect to and it breaks a new bone every time, each one bigger than the last when i realize the gravity of what ive lost. what we've all lost.
i miss you. oh my fucking god, i miss you. i wish i could have taken your pain.
i was blind when i needed to see. deaf when i needed to hear. ignorant to your suffering. so many smiles you'd given me when i felt like giving up, surrendering myself to the will of my internal afflictions. so much comfort you brought me. you held my hand in my time of need, sang me to sleep at night and kept all my pieces from crumbling. you saved me more than once.
i wish i could have done the same for you.
(m.b) ;; id give anything for just one more moment with him
