Wanderlust

     Its three o'clock in the morning and the insomnia is making my body ache. I feel frantic, short lived and confused. The bustled storm of my fathers angst has subsided and all there is, is silence. I can feel the greasiness of my hair shadow my eyes as i keep turning in my bed. My head, hazed with the want to leave this uncomfortable home i was born in.

     My father, gone to another bar, which left my mother in bed, alone, with only the warmth of a bipolar cat. Both of them, layed cuddled together as if the world and time does not exist, as if their only escape is silence. That's probably why i was taught to appreciate the quiet, but sometimes we need a gunshot in the silence. A shot that can awaken us and make our hearts race, and make us feel more alive than ever; a shattering reminder that we are human. During that time, a chance to figure out who we are and what we are going to provide our liveliness for.

     Those fragile moments that make us feel who we are and why were here. I want to experience that. I want to leave. No, its not just a want anymore, it has evolved into something much more lethal, a need. The wanderlust is consuming me every second, the seconds, slow infinities. Its finally winter break from my senior year of highschool. Those short two weeks to let me hunt for my purpose. This is my only hope, im ready to leave.

    My eyes shoot over to my desk that stands a few feet from my bed. I glance over at the few mason jars that have always sat in isolation. They are filled with money i have hoarded from all of my summer jobs, for exactly this moment.

     My mind begins to itch with what to do next. I let my instincts take over, my hands and body shaking as i started to stuff my belongings into a worn navy backpack. I emptied the mason jars and dispursed the money within the backpack and my pockets. I let out a sigh and began to head down the stairs. I walked into my mothers room and saw her curled up within her blankets, in peace, as if every fight in the world had never existed. I kissed her forehead and prayed to God to keep her safe. I'm the man thats suppose to protect her, i hope she will forgive me. I explained my purpose on a scrap of paper and placed it on the kitchen counter. Just at that moment, Pluto, our cat approached me. He looked at me as if he was warning me to not go, he was, just like everyone else, scared. My body refused to stay.

     I got into my truck and looked into the mirror as i began to drive away from my dead city. My eyes a grim reminder of fear and insomnia. The city, towered by winter-struck trees with the moon peeking at me as if curious of my presence. At that moment, as i looked into the sky, I imagined if I was a star. I would be the star lost and forgotten within the vibrant paintings they withold. As is my light were to dissinegrate slowly, or even in an instant, it wouldn't affect the contellations.

     After a few miles, i pulled up into a parking lot of a local convenience store. My insides were numb, amazed with what i had just done. I had finally left. And that thought made me cry. Thoughts of my family were flooding through my head. My mother perched at the couch as I walked in the house after school, intrigued with her television shows. Her holding me within her arms as I cried about pity things. I put my head down within my hands and tried to wipe away the tears. Nows not the time to cry.

     I got out of my truck, cold winds bashed againt my swollen eyes, making them water even more. I glanced over at two men leaning against a street light. Their complexions faintly appeared under the dim light, smoke came off of them as if it steamed from their pores. Their mouths formed vague words to eachother as the continued to have a staring contest with the stars.

     I went into the store and bought some necessities I had forgotten to collect at home, I quickly returned to my truck. As I sat, I glances back at the men, still puffing smoke from their cigarettes. I would never know their story, if they were brothers, lovers, or just friends, maybe even strangers, but at that moment they acted as if they were the only ones that existed in their world.

     I started to drive through the night, rolling down the windows to be able to feel the wind against my skin. I looked at my eyes, still bloodshot and watering, but i didnt care. I kept driving to only God knows where. At that moment I remembered the men, standing isolated in the dim light admiring the night sky. It was as if they too, looked up at the stars, and compared themselves to the entire universe.