Being a Kleptomaniac

It's Hard When You're Kleptic.

It's hard when you're kleptic. It's hard to do normal things. It's hard to go out in public. It's  hard to live a normal life when you're kleptic. I can't go out with people without wanting to take something that's not yours. It's hard to go to the store without stealing and possibly going to jail. It's hard. It's not only hard for me, but also for the victims. I understand that the victims are suffering and in pain, but they don't understand how I feel too. How I feel is numb in the process, but after, I feel horrible. I feel like dying. I've been to doctors, I've been to therapists, but nothing is helping. With my depression and anxiety, only writing, drawing, and stealing have helped me. But stealing also ruined my relationship with my family. I've told them several times about my kleptic ways and that it's extremely hard, but they NEVER seem to care or listen to me! So when they tempt me by putting things in my face and in front of me, it's hard to not be tempted and walk or look away. It's like putting or drinking alcohol in front of an alcoholic. It's like smoking in front of a smoker trying to stop. If they cared, they would've NEVER tempted me. And then when I get caught I feel like dying. I get suicidal thoughts when I get caught. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate being kleptic, but whenever I vent to someone or try to get help, I'm called stupid, an idiot, a monster, and so much more. IF PEOPLE CARED, THEY WOULD'VE NEVER TEMPTED ME WITH THOSE THINGS! THEY WOULD'VE NEVER INSULTED ME AND CALLED ME FAT AND A STUPID IDIOT. I KNOW I HAVE ADHD, I KNOW I HAVE DEPRESSION, I KNOW I HAVE ANXIETY, AND I KNOW I'M KLEPTIC, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY HAVE TO TORTURE ME!!! I JUST WISHED I DIED SOMETIMES OR THAT I WASN'T SUCH A MISTAKE!!!