I lost my faith in you.
My breaths became shorter, my nimble fingers are bleeding a dark crimson color from typing up my feelings for you that I'd never send.
The urge to cut my heart out and place it into your calloused hands grows greater and greater each day dear, I love you, yet you don't love me.
Tears flows from my dim and hollow eyes as I look at what we used to be, that glimmering shimmer of hope I used to have has dissolved and disappeared completely, all that is left is a painfully beautiful memory of you my love.
We made promises of an everlasting love, I knew things would have come to such a painful end, and now the only way I can cope is by shoving two fingers down my throat. I'm punishing myself for making such promises.
I don't know what to do.
Am I doing this because I want to stay thin? I do miss eating regularly, the food has lost its taste, even my favorites have become so very bland. I create colorful pieces, yet my soul is a monochromatic scheme of blacks and greys, the enchanting colors of the rainbow have flown out of me completely.
Eating a full meal hurts my body so very much, it used to be for staying thin, for staying in weight, yet now it's for everything I had ever said. Eating is a struggle altogether on its own, keeping it down is even harder, especially after a big meal. I want to get better, yet my life is stuck on a constant loop, that replays over and over again. Faking a smile has only come so far, but these midnight thoughts of you are haunting.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't function correctly anymore.
Telling someone will only cause them to higher my prescription.
People talk about guns and daggers being dangerous, yet they are the ones who shove pills down my throat. I hate it.
The white roses we shared are bleeding and wilting, my heart is breaking on an endless cycle, it has shattered into a million pieces like a mirror.
Why won't you leave my head beautiful thing? You're damaging me. My nails are scratching at my skin until blood oozes from a scratch, trying to claw the memory of you out.
I miss you.
YOU ARE READING
Inside the Quiet Ones Mind
PoezjaI've decided to start posting my poetry and such sooo uh...here goes nothing? For those lonely peeps out there, this is for y'all lol I feel your pain :')
