Inside the Quiet Ones Mind

Conflicting Sentiments

Just let me be, with my miserable past and empty future. Don't touch me with your filthy hands covered in dirty hypocrisy.
Those worthless dreams have become nothing but a memory long ago. Bitterly, and longingly, I laugh at my sad fate. Courting despair, I'm tormented over and over again as my dreams dwindle, a little at a time, stuck in a web of unwanted emotions, wishing to abandon, to forget everything, to be destroyed by myself.
...What else can I do but to laugh at it all?
Laugh at my demise. My end...my knuckles collide roughly against the wall as I scream out in pain again. I'll hit and hit and hit my problems away...do you see the bruises? The blood? It doesn't matter..
No matter how many things I destroy, my heart remains empty. If I must borrow the name of some discolored justice, and let the ash stain me, then you might as well hide it all from me, along with the tainted truths. If it is our fate to exist only to destroy each other and take away everything we cherish, I wish the voice that warmed my heart and the hands I held in mine had remained lost to me forever. Those worthless dreams have become nothing but a memory long ago. In solitude, I deplore my sad fate. Traversing the path of despair, I lose my bearings as my dreams dwindle, a little at a time...slowly...painfully...leaving my mind...I desperately hold on to these pathetic, miserable, shameful feelings once again...what else can I do but to cry in anguish? I've lost my reason to fight long ago. Yet, why is it that I can't stop?
Borrowing the name of some burned down justice, and clinging to the ash that remains—that's the only way left for me to exist. Bound to you by our imprisonment in this twisted maze, I let my raging emotions take over as I swing my sword. My mind is assaulted in turmoil as my dreams dwindle, one at a time. I want to destroy you; I want to save you; I can't forgive you—which is my real feeling?...I can't tell anymore. Who is it that I want to protect? Who is it that I want to destroy? The answer I seized with my shaking hands is becoming steeped in red. It's going to destroy us both and all the stains we bear in its wake. Just make it end, please...
My sharp blade wants to collide into your beautiful fair features yet my unspoken love for you oozes out of me-I can't hurt you. I won't hurt you. But I want to. But I can't...
What are my true emotions? Can you tell me what they are? Do I want you? Do I hate you? Do I need you? If it's our purpose to rival against eachother then so be it, but in every hateful relationship lies love. We once grew flowers in our garden of love, but what remains? Rotting flowers, decayed stems and withered petals-such a depressing ending. So what do I want? Why am I hurting so much if I have moved on? I want to hurt you. I want to love you. I want to care for you. I want to destroy you. Yet my conscious mind keeps you close to my heart-I can't push you away. I can't lose another beautiful soul...
So what am I feeling? Just make it all end...make it all end please...