stupid poems about love.

don't you get it?

don't you get it?
you piece of shit. you can screw me over a million times and somehow i still manage to fall in love with you all over again
every
fucking
time.

you've taken over my mind. you're in each and every thought. i hate it, i hate you. but you're my sun and my moon and my stars and my world.

still, i've been through hell and back and nobody manages to tear me down as much as you.

i'm important to you, i know.
you care about me, i know.
i'm your best friend, i know. but i want to be more than that. i want you to not only love me, but be in love with me.

you've been with me in my darkest hours and you've held me and told me everything was going to be okay. i've done the same for you. what are we missing? am i just not pretty enough?

fuck you. fuck you for not returning my feelings. there's nothing i can do about it but try (and fail) to hate you, but still,
fuck
you. i mean it.

i want you to be happy because i love you like family but i would be happiest if you were happy with me. it's an odd balance but i don't understand why it's not possible. i feel like i'm trying but why aren't you? do you not see me? do i need to be clearer? more obvious?

i don't want to lose you but
i can't eat and i can't sleep and i can't relax or find an ounce of peace within myself. i am fighting a constant internal battle, and it absolutely and completely
rages
whenever i see you. my head tells my heart that it's foolish and it knows the truth, which is that you just don't love me like i love you and that will probably never change. my heart says to hold on - our luck may change, and then it would be worth it.
love is blind.

and i'm angry. at you, at me, even at God. because this is part of His plan, right? and maybe it all will turn out okay when i die and go walk with Him in Heaven, but for now, i just hurt.
i hurt all the time.
i am hurting always. if you ever look at me and think that i'm okay, think again, because the thin ice of my happiness can be broken by the lightest of treads. and when i'm alone, it melts and freezes on its own.
there are times where fun and friends can distract me from the pain, but it always comes around again, especially in times of aloneness.

i never used to feel alone. in fact, i loved solitude. i was independent. but times change..

i feel sick all the time. i can barely get down food, i don't drink enough water. sleep comes and goes and it is filled with dreams and fantasies that will never be fulfilled. i've thought about running away, but the pain would just follow and amplify, i know.

i even thought about killing myself once, just for a second, but it wouldn't help to rot in Hell.

the truth is that i am in love with you. sometimes you are in love with me also, and sometimes you choose other girls over me. i'm telling you right now that it hurts me when you do that. but i'm also saying that i want you to be happy, and if happy is her, then i'm happy for you, even if i don't understand. i'm also saying that i am being torn down and it's your fault and you could make it better but you don't.

i'm so sorry that you're in this situation. i'm sorry. i don't want to be like this. but i can't live like this either.

so what i need you to do is tell me if you're going to give me a real chance or you're going to push me aside again.

just know that if it isn't me, i'm leaving. forever and totally. but it's not because of you. it's because of me.