Clouds in the sky

You're so special

And here I was, in this pub, in this city, on my last day. Enjoying life, dancing, feeling young, happy and free. Never felt like that for a long time. Never felt anything for a long time actually. Back there, it's all blurry, heavy and dark. Here, it seems like all the clouds from my head fled to the sky. As the music was playing and the Guinness was running through my veins, all I could think of was "These feelings will guide you through the year ahead. This moment. This night. You'll remember it till you're seventy." And I couldn't be more right, even though I had yet only felt half of the emotions I'll feel this night.

On the other side of the pub, behind the rocky voice singer, there was a guy, dancing too, having fun with his friends. They had eyes in every drunken girl, every foreigner-looking lady, ready to dance with them and let their Irish charm do the rest. This boy wanted that too, dancing with girls and not thinking about tomorrow, but he seemed less eager. He was tall, with dark brown hair and green eyes and shaped like woodcutter. He wasn't really handsome, but had a very charming smile. I think I would have never noticed him if I didn't have to break the circle he formed with his friends in order to reach the bathroom. Three pints had to go down, and jeez I can tell you beers are like tea. It drains you, suddenly and unexpectedly. Whilst I was passing through the circle, one of his friends, short and thin, grabbed my hand and made me turn around in the middle. I played his game for a little while, because the music was catchy and the Guinness was already doing its effects. He then grabbed me harder, pulling my body towards him and pressing his chest on mine. That guy might be gorgeous, it wasn't a reason to do so. Plus, I really needed to use the toilets. I tried to escape nicely from his arms, tried to take his hands off mine. But he was holding it strongly. I tried to make him understand gently, until I had to let my anger out. I pushed him strongly and ran to the toilets. In the precipitation, I could see his tall woodcutter looking friend holding his shoulder and telling him something. All I could think of was that I needed to pee and that everything will be better after. But I didn't think about the fact that I would have to pass through this group of friends on my way back again. I'll apologize, I'll make this incident upon my drunkenness and my will to pee. Not on my fear of men, not on my instable mind and my lack of confident and my anxious side. I went out of the restroom, passed by this group of four, looked at the guy who grabbed me without my consent earlier and before I had time to say anything to him, he started insulting me. I couldn't believe it. He was the bully, yet I got the insult. I wanted to reply, to ask him why any girl that doesn't want him should automatically be qualified as a slut. I wanted to confront him with his thoughts and his lack of logic. Nevertheless, I bearly had time to open my mouth that his green eyes friend - the same one that talked to him when I left angrily - put his big right hand on my right upper arm, and whispered behind me with a deep manly voice at my right ear.

- "Let it go, he's not worth it. I'm sorry for him."

As I turned back to him, he kept on going :

- "He's not a bad guy you know, he just doesn't know how to behave sometimes. I'm sorry you had to deal with guys like him daily."

And I could see in his eyes that he meant what he said. He was truly sorry and only wanted me good. I told him thank you, that I was alright and shouldn't have pushed his friend either, that I just needed a wee and that I wasn't mad. I then went back to my friend on the other side of the pub and said nothing. I only wanted to pee, yet I got harassed, almost started a fight and met a guy that will change my life forever.

As the night went on, my memories got blurrier. This tall protective guy and his friends got closer to us, or we got closer to them, I don't know. The bar was busy, the crowd was wild, everyone was pushing each other whilst dancing and jumping. Our two groups were now next to each other and we started to join and make one big circle. My harasser wasn't looking in my direction, he probably didn't dare. My friend Laura started dancing with him. I kept an eye on her, in case he was repeating the same behaviour with her. But soon enough, I remembered she wasn't like me. Laura was the kind of girl that loved the attention. She loved being seduced and had no problem with men being too explicit with her. She was just comfortable in her skin and not asking herself as many questions as I do. So I let it go, let her dance sexily with that guy and started enjoying the music again. I couldn't help but smiling, enjoying the moment and feeling it deep down my soul. Here I was, almost feeling free from the darkness.