i wish there would be another way to tell you this , but there isn't . I can't stand to live in the body i have been given because of what i have committed , what has been done but what has npt been thought about . I think of this every day , but can never form the words in my mouth . i think of the pain and the sufering and how i can not live on without the material things in life .
I know by saying this it breaks your heart piece by piece but Ethan how i am suppose ton know i love you if i can't even speak the thoughts i ponder on .
He looked at me with that sad gaze again , that same gaze he knows that i would wrap him in my embrace and make the pain go away , but create mt void of empitness to take that pain and replace it with the warmth of true affection . I stood alone with out anyone beside me , all i ever wanted was to be love by another , who understood my actions and who i am .
" Why is it every time i see you my heart jump?i know i am nothing like Mark , but I know that i love you ."
Ethan didn't seem to understand the issue , i simply turned and walked away from him . I know what i am doing right now is wrong and i do deserve ot , but i can'y let one simple feeling let my life go .
He called after me , " Pfunzo!Pfunzo" i just couldn't take it all the sadness , all the insecurity . None of it i have to know what and who i am . This is the only way i know by letting go of my own desire and seeing what God installed for me
