The truth

Sammy

Listen to the song while reading. These are just some thought I had before. No one will probably even read this but yeah okay. Sorry for the typos. 

Hi, Sammy( under the mask)

     I feel trapped. I know "how can you feel trapped when this is one of the most peaceful times you had in your life"( Her). Well I'm trapped in my head. I'm trapped with the self hatred and guilt I have for myself. I fear even being in a quit room because I know that dark sick voice will come back. I figured out how to run from it in my sleep, but I'm still working on trying to run from it while I'm awake. It suffocates me. I know how pathetic​. I'm afraid of my own thoughts. I'm a Coward. I accepted that a long time ago. I just want to feel free from myself and people around me sometimes. I sometimes question why I am still here right now. I know what you are thinking "how selfish and Cowardly could you be". I already told you I'm a Coward. Being selfish is just a plus. I'm a terrible person all together. I know. You don't have to tell me. I'm reminded of this by that voice in my head everyday. I just don't know how to get rid of it. Sometimes I question if I really do want to...get rid of it that is. She's the only person who tells me the truth nowadays no matter if it breaks me. She doesn't even care if she breaks me. I like to think of her as my best friend in away. At least she won't every leave me. Everyone always leaves me in some type of way. Emotionally, mentally, or physically. I'm totally disconnected. I put on a mask. I wear this mask all the time. No one knows the really me..except her that is. This mask is just another example of my Cowardliness. I like to think I'm happy, but the truth is I'm tired. I just want to rest. I'm tired of fighting for nothing. Love is a twisted things and I have been shown that it can break you completely, but that is if you aren't already broken. I've been broken from the start. Unrepairable. This voice is me. Shes me. Shes the honest me. She's the strong me. The beautiful me. Shes everything that I'm not. People always tell me that I have a good heart,  that I'm pretty, but sometimes I question if its  some sick joke to hurt  me. I like to believe them. Sometimes I actually do. I know why would I believe such a lie, but its better than nothing right. I'm just tired. I've thought of ending things before or at least make it look like an accident. Even in death I'm scared of what people would think of me. But I have learned that I'm not good enough for a death so soon like that at my own hand. I like to believe that I can keep pushing. I know I can because even though there is a lot of things I'm not. I at least know I'm strong or at least a little. I'm going to fake it to I make it if you say. I'm use to it anyways, so it won't be that at hard.

Thank you,
Sammy