My Only Escape

**( authors note: hey guys so this is the first time I've used wattpad or posted a story. So please, bare with me if I mess up posting or something. lol.

So, enjoy :D )**

My only escape.

Day 155.

Today is the five month anniversary since I've put myself in here.

Five months since I had a life outside of these white , cemented, walls of this retched hospital.

I did nothing wrong.

Nothing to deserve this kind of torture.

All I did was try to let me soul escape.

And free myself from all of the terrible things in this world.

Things that are far worse than monsters in your closet, ghosts or the dark.

These things can end you're life in an instant, yet they are not tangible. You can feel the pain and suffering, but you can not see it.

However, you can see the effects of it.

Hate.

Sadness.

Worthlessness.

All of these words can seem so harmless, yet when put to use, they are more deadly than a bullet to the head.

And sometimes, you might end up like me because of these feelings . Torn up, and scarred . Bruised and beaten . Scared and alone. Trying to set yourself free from this tainted world of hate and horror, but as always, you only hurt yourself enough to feel the pain and not kill yourself.

Even though that's all you wish for.

When I was young, I used to tell myself that suicidal people are just angles who want to go back home.

But I was wrong.

I am no angel .

If God and Jesus were real, they would have stopped me from feeling this way.

They could of stopped the pain that has lingered around me for years on end.

But they didn't.

Death has been so close it screams in my ears at nights just begging for me to come a little closer . It will pull out the worst of memories and create a necklace of rope for which my life to dangle by . Yet, I'm still here.

I'm breathing and taking up space in this already crowed world. Space that someone, somewhere else needs and wants. And it's being wasted on a person that doesn't even care.

I don't know.

If God is real, maybe he thinks life is what I need. He continues to give me a million chances to start my life over again and I screw it up every time.

If I actually escaped from this world, right now, I can guarantee that not one soul would care.

And to my surprise, I'm ok with that.