The Mistake of Innocence.

To be good at something, to improve it, you must get rid of it, and then get back to it again, you must quit, and return with full power, and to be like that you have to be heartless especially if you're like me, (David Macray), who is good at one thing: killing hope. To kill it you must know what is it exactly, catch the idea itself, how you kill it?, you lead targets towards what is negative, towards what is a disadvantage, towards what is depressing, and towards what is a real unending problem that never ends, or is unable to be solved, that's what I said to someone who is called (David), by the way, I stalk only Davids, to make them want to live, to make them desire to die or, to live insane, insane about something they will never reach, like if they want to have wings, or like if they want to burst lasers out of their eyes like cyborgs, fantasy is what makes us have hopes, because it gets us to the dreams we can't achieve, as a real form of reality. Hello David. Hello Mr.Macray. What's your desire in your life? David asked David with a sarcastic smile... I want to live life as it should be for a human being, I don't want to be ruled or, have to obey someone that is more highly respected than me, just because of their positions, I want to do what I want without being ordered, or restricted, I don't want to prove a lie I said or something I did, I want to believe in God, without fear of my sins, I want to know how the universe is stretching out upon itself, is that possible?. Hmm maybe, but it's impossible, he said with bright pupils, in his dark brown eyes, and then he continued after a long sigh, look, David, you can't do that for a lot of reasons, one of them being that you don't have the supplies, number two you don't have the supplier, supplier of what?, I'll tell you, the supplier of feelings, the supplier of money, the supplier of abilities, and this one you will never be able to reach, because it's hard to get, where and when he will give you these abilities?, you can't even tell, because he is the God himself, do you know how to reach God David? No, I don't. Because you never will. Why do I have to know how to reach god, and why can I not do that?. You know why? Know why? You don't even know how to solve the tiny problem you've encountered, how can you reach him with that tiny brain you've got?, let us move to the next part, did you ever hear about something called truth?, am sure you did, but I did not mean ordinary truth, what does it mean?. It's a new kind of truth, it's the truth of lies we have in ourselves like the world is beautiful, and people are bright shining examples of love and passion, and like that, we are not animals, we have brains, we are not monkeys, this is the truth of lies we live, we are parasites breeding on hatred for any creature who's better than us at anything, even if we're not capable of doing some other things, for example, we hate the Octopus because it has eight arms, we hate to not be able to or to not know, but we forgot that the other creatures didn't complain that they don't have a conscious, that they didn't complain to god that they're unable to do things we can do easily, we didn't thank him for the abilities we've got, what I want to say is, that the world is really cruel depressed and depressing, here I am in front of myself, what am I? just a guy full of bullshit who doesn't know where to spit it out..... Hello, can I talk to mr.david?, sorry he is not here, where is he?, please tell me what I want to hear please, said David in secrecy in his mind, he has been to the mental institution, an asylum to be specific. Said the woman in a voice drowning in sorrow. what?! Are you lying to me?! Why would I? Who are you?, am his friend David Ceremony, thanks for telling me, have a nice day, you too thanks, David ended the call with a bright shining smile, like the devil, another target down, so who needs to be with a dead hope? let's be eager and tempted for who is the next sacrifice for my desire!. Another shiny day, walking in the street full of happiness, looking for another target, hello, Hello can I help you? How are you first? I am good enough to walk in the street thanks for asking... Me in my mind, that victim looks great, he is depressed, his eyes full of hatred and dread, that makes my mission easy as hell, well what's your name pal?. I Am David Collins, and you? Am David Macray. Wow, we have the same names, can I help you Mr.Macray. You will be surprised, but I am here to kill your hope. What? Sorry, I didn't understand what you were saying. Sorry, I was joking. It's okay don't be sorry... So, I can see the depression in your blue shiny eyes..tell me what's going on? And who are you for me to tell?!. Sorry, I did not tell you what I do in my life, I am a psychiatrist, but I am a researcher, looking at depression from a different angle which is people's eyes, so, people commit suicide because of depression sometimes or this is what they say, and to be honest, I don't believe this, I tried to buy it but I couldn't, what I mean is, that it's not the only reason, because depression depends on many aspects, for example, I am looking at how this will affect their lives, and how they behave according to this for now, but don't worry I took an oath to not talk about people's secrets, So you are helping me to find a solution for the people like you, you're helping me to find a cure, sorry for bothering you but I need your help. So, Mr. Macray, what guaranties me that your words are the truth?. Like, why should I trust you? on the other hand, how are you going to trust that I am telling the truth as well?... Said Collins in conformed to the norm tone of voice... Well, Mr. Collins, it's your right to ask such a question, here is my permission to do such research from my college... Macray in his mind "hope he is going to believe this, actually it's believable"... Well, that's Certainly believed, this is the first response, what about the second... Said Collins. Well, Mr. Collins, I'm certain and positive, that you've hidden something, and it has been rupturing your insides repeatedly long ago, but you did not find the person that can bear it as much as you did, so you decided to leave it, and soon enough it will eat you and breed enough to kill you from inside, again and again. And as I told you it's totally up to you, to let me know if I can help you or not, I am not forcing or implanting any temptation in your brain, or fulfilling my speech or anything, am just a guy who wants to feed his curiosity, and offer a hand to those who need help, am being honest, I wish you got me right... Said Macray after sitting on a wooden couch on the street, while looking into Collin's eyes with a look that says that he is trustworthy and reliable... "I was convincing was I".. Macray in his head" =Hmm, Mr.Macray I accept this but please do not ever tell anyone what I will tell you, because it's hard, it makes me want to burn myself, because I am sure this isn't happening to anyone, including me, I thought I'd never face something like this in my life. I am eager and curious to hear what he is going to say.. said David in his mind. Well, Mr. Macray is not a human, I am a shiny bright example of how rotten humans are, am the guy who is creating every nightmare in this world, am the one who always knocks on doors, for showing how terrifying it would be, but can't stop doing this, can't quit, can't help it, and can't force myself to, so will you really help me, or you're just talking nonsense?. Macray asked himself, who's the hell am I talking with?, what if he is like me, what if he is on the same road I am traveling on?!. Well, Mr.Collins, we will try to figure everything out, but just tell me everything you want to say, I am all ears, and don't leave out a single detail. Well, you're talking to the person who has been known as failure itself, and the fact that everyone failed at something is the reason I am living, but if you look around you will see the homeless, the buried talented people, who got buried alive, by me, and no one can help them unless there is hope, but I don't know if there is, do you think there is hope Mr. Macray?. Well, what you are telling me now, it is hard to be believed, but here I am trying to help failure himself, but I don't know if he failed to help himself in the first place, instead of asking others for help, did you try?, I bet you didn't, you know why?, because you're the failure, you've got no hope, you're not effective on yourself either, not just people, did you try to find what is your wish in life as a failure?, do you have the hope to find your wish?, I don't know if you have, but let's give it a try, Let's not fail this time, and after all, it's your choice, to be on the same path you're on in or just leave it.

Well, Mr.collins I will finish my coffee and go, will we meet again then?, actually no Mr. Macray, because I will start my journey to find the wish, my wish, is to find the hope, the enlightenment of life, but I don't know how, do you think I will reach what I want?, I don't know what it's about, how many times you will fall and rise again, to stand in the storm is the point, not to survive, but I hope you're going to get it as far as you try, alright then I will pay for the coffee don't worry, okay Mr. Collins it was nice meeting you.

I didn't expect to meet the failure himself, that means there's a sadness, and despair, sorrow, hatred, love, and happiness even as real figures, I wish I could meet them all, but I don't think there's a chance, well Here is me as hope, I showed you how to change humans' lives, with thirty minutes of conversation, that's easy right, it was great, made me know how many people love me even if am a lie, but lies make us live beautiful dreams, the kinds of fantasies and wishes that will never be true...