Laughing on the Inside, Crying on the Outside

Pushing

There's this hole in the wall right next to my bed; A small hole the size of a half dollar. Despite its size, I decided to cover it with some bright orange duct tape. I think I'm afraid that something will climb through it, a bug or a wall mouse. But sometimes when I'm feeling adventurous, Ill pull up the tape and look into the hole. I don't usually see anything but that's probably got to do with the fact that there's no light in my room. I'm constantly sequestered beneath a blanket of darkness. Yet that's neither here nor there.

I like to pretend that when I look into that hole im peering into some other world. Like some world of darkness that only I can see because I made a random hole in my wall.

I guess I should elaborate on that... The hole started out as a crack: a small crack. And then the voice inside my head just told me to push. So I used my thumb and pushed. Then a tiny chunk of wall fell away. I think I was a bit disappointed, I must have hoped for something more climactic.

I like to think that my pushing is a metaphor for something. Something cosmic or grand. But I can't think of anything honestly. I guess i'm just not that clever.

January 10, 2018