Instinct

Chapter 22

I wake up again, this time Autumn isn't here with me. This time he isn't in the room. I search the bathroom, no he's not here either. I limp towards his study only to see an empty room that has a carpet that is practically made of white sheets of paper and envelopes. I stumble down the stairs holding tightly onto the wooden banister, then limp into the kitchen. He's not there either. I make my way to his large living room to see him passed out with a large open bottle of white wine, I narrow my eyes at the bottle then shift my gaze to the drooling asshole. He'd drunk himself 'til the point he passed out and is going to wake up if I make a run for it upstairs, that's how it is. Well in the cliché abused boy stories uncle told me. So I do exactly the opposite of all those idiots in the story, I watch him as he snores lightly on the couch. He stirs and faces me, his double lidded eyes shut tightly, unlike my single lidded eyes that have frozen wide.

I step back slightly not letting my gaze waver, my eyes quickly dart to the open window and I shiver. I should've just put on my jacket rather than wonder around the house naked, see! Ever since I've seen him, I've been a mess. I've lost fights. Been thinking of the past more. And I swear way more than I did. People make fun of me. I am no longer feared. I sigh and wrap my bruised arms around my bruised torso, I'm going back up to huddle in my warm corner before he wakes up then makes another move on me. As I start to walk away, a loud deafening song cuts through the silence. How cliché and let me guess he's going to wake up now...he doesn't. and the small darks hairs don't prick up on my neck so I guess we're fine. That's what you call instinct, that's the only thing you can rely on back home in Devil's Spine.

I wear the same smile I always do. I wear the same sad smile, the one I always do when the game finishes. The same sad smile I wore when I left my home. The same smile when I left the pack. I smile as the small hairs on my neck prick up and the bastard wakes up muttering a 'come here' and beckons me towards him, with the smile of sadism coated over. I limp towards the man slowly; this is why I should have never have relied on my emotion. Instincts made me tower above those who grovelled in their depression and self-hatred. My emotions are the ones who pushed me into the hole with all the pitiful weaklings.

Damn you Love. Damn you Hope. Damn you, Life. Damn you Emotions. Damn you all. I curse you 'til the time you perish from this world.

"Where are you going pet?" he wraps his long muscly arms around my crooked frame, I look up at him with half lidded eyes, why are you like this to me? Anger suddenly flares up in his eyes and he kicks me down to the cold floor and punches at my naked form. I yelp in pain as reopens one of the cuts that was half healed. A crimson liquid I used to love so much seeps through the wound and dribbles down my stomach and gathers up in my naval. He stumbles back to the couch and picks up a pack of cigarettes, he takes one out and rests it between his thin lips that are pulled into a slightly frown. The asshole lights the roll of nicotine as if he hadn't just been beating me down to the floor. I shake my head and stand on my two feet that are filled with burn marks. The blood that had welled up in my belly button slides down and travels down to my v-line then down to my thighs, staining my pale skin in the process. He shoots a narrow look of disgust at me just before he breathes out the grey smoke, he beckons me over with the movement of his hand. Painfully I limp over to the drunkard that takes another pudd on the grey roll of nicotine and breathes out the grey smoke in three defined hoops, uncle used to do that all the time. I open my mouth to say something but he quickly beats me to it by opening his shitty mouth, "What's my name?" the man looks at me with a sad glint in his eyes, I look down at the floor embarrassed. He's drunk so it doesn't matter what I call him,

"Lucas Lynk Autumn." He tilts my chin up with his index finger and thumb, a disappointed look crosses his face then is replaced with an enraged one,

"What did I tell you to call me?" he growls dangerously low, a bead of sweat trickles down my forehead and splashes onto the cold wet tiles below,

"...Master..." he smirks,

"Make sure you refer to me as that otherwise you're in for a big punishment." He hisses, I sigh in relief as his angered look turns neutral. With an indifferent neutral face the bastard stubs his cigarette out on my stomach just besides my blood-stained naval, I cringe as I feel the hot remains of the burnt nicotine rub against a fresh cut that he made last night. The bent roll of burnt nicotine falls to the floor and the bastard smirks as the pained smile remains on my face, that's sure to leave a mark. He kisses my swollen red lips with his fine ones roughly, "Two more days. I have two more days to do as I please to you." An unfamiliar feeling sinks down in my stomach, relief? Fear? Confusion? Maybe all of them. Finally, I'll be dying soon. My pained smile turns sad; I realise that these last two days are going to be the worst ones to survive through. I'm surprised that I haven't lost my sanity yet. Other than that I've practically lost everything else. My home. My pride. My reputation. My weapons... my pack.

I remember my mother's words ringing through my mind; don't worry, everything in this world is temporary. You need to know that you're not a burden to both me and your uncle. You're a strong boy, don't be enslaved by your mind. This feeling you feel now is temporary, and you realise that these thoughts that seem so heave are nothing more than temporary. They're only preparing you for the future so that you can get ready to say 'hey' to the new stronger you.

Now that I think about it she's right. All these feeling are temporary. They're temporary simply because we die. We end up dying not of suicide like Brook's brother but sadness. Anger. The emotions we hold are the true serial killer in this world. Not me. Not Jack the Ripper. But the emotions us creatures have inside us.

When we die we will finally be free of the monster that controls our lives.