Between the Lines | Oneshot

-1-

[Ming's POV]

“Ai’Ming.” Yo called way past the wee hours of the night, waking me up with sobs and cries … yet again.

A normal person wouldn’t dare to ask another time what the fuck he is moping about; everyone knows--if Wayo calls, look at the clock. If it's past midnight, it’s safe to say it can only be about one person: Phana Kongthanin.

“What happened this time?”

I tried, to the fullest extent, to not show any hint of irk, but the fact stays the same that I was woken up at past three in the morning.

The next thing I know, I had myself ruffling my hair and, in my mind, banging my skull against the wall amidst my frustration.

"Ai'Ming ... "

“Your plan failed?”

It was not a baseless assumption, and his sobs gave away the truth faster than he could deny anything. I heaved an audible sigh, trying to imagine his supposedly perfect plan playback in my head.

It’s an ultimately simple plan--he’ll give the black bracelet he bought to P’Pha, and voila! They should live happily ever after ... but I'm guessing none happened according to his plan.

The risk was not unbeknownst to him. Wayo perfectly knew and dwelt in the reality that,

(1) he and P'Pha never talked and;

(2) the oh-so-handsome, most popular guy even back when we were in highschool, Phana Kongthanin did not look like he had the slightest interest in men, or atleast that's how Wayo sees it.

Even after taking all these into consideration, my hopeless romantic friend still can’t seem to fathom an alternate universe where he fell in love with another person.

“He said …” His voice was quivering, trying to further give context to the reason behind the muffled crying I kept hearing from the other side of the phone. “P’Pha likes girls.”

“Did you not know this could happen?”

“I knew it could, but ...” As if anyone living on earth and knows your name doesn’t kmow what comes after "but". I just don’t get why it has to be him.

It's quite an unpopular truth to everyone that I like Wayo. Why do you think I would wake up and calmly respond when he calls in this time of night?

But ... the more he talks about how much he likes P’Pha, the harder it is to bring myself to just say it and get rejected.

I can’t take it upon myself to turn that smile upside down. I don't want to be a reason for him not to let out the smile I fell in love with. I swore to myself I'd do everything to keep that, after all.

“I know …”--was all I could say in response. "You like him, right?"

“Why does he have to be that cool?” It always ends up this way. He’d be in mad pain because of a single person, and then, still, he's all he'll talk about.

Is it not excruciating for him, how the person in question is also the cure?

“He runs around playing basketball, how can someone be that sweaty and still look cool?”

It will probably go on for about another hour or two, meaning I’ll be most probably be up with him until the sun wakes up, having nothing to do but sit and listen to him happily chatter about his love. 

He’d repeat, in words, the rare occasions he felt like he "existed in P'Pha's world"--when P'Pha would smile and look his way, or when their eyes accidentally meet, etcetera etcetera.

I thought he just saw P’Pha as a role model of some sort, until he told me one day that he thinks he likes P’Pha.

I can’t even begin to talk about how I felt that night. Just thinking about it again clouds my thoughts.

Oddly, I didn’t cry--I couldn’t cry. I tried to. All it left was that heavy feeling in my chest and a humongous lump in my throat, but the tears wouldn’t come out.

I had always that it's because, deep in my mind, I was clear that I have no right to cry. I didn’t do anything about my feelings, after all. In the middle of struggling with my, unwanted feelings for him, I voluntarily chose to keep myself stapled between the lines.

I am at that point in my life where I’ve accepted the fact that Yo wouldn't like me back, no matter how much I try to imply it, or how much everyone sees that we could work, everyone except for him.

Given the case, I’d rather have him stay as my bestfriend and try to get over him along the way. Unfortunate for me, that accepting it doesn't take away the hurt.

"Ai'Ming, are you asleep?" He finally asked after God-knows-how long. But, oh look! The sun is asking the opposite thing!

"No, I don't think so." I yawned, loud enough to let him know that he was the one who deprived me of sleep.

"I'm sorry I had you stay up with me."

"You mean, again?"

"I'm sorry."

"Hoi. I'm just joking. It's okay." Yeah, Ming ... it's okay. "Do you want to check the results of the entrance exam together?"

"Yes! I forgot to ask you about that." You forget me a lot, Yo, I just got used to it. All you have in your mind is your P'Pha, after all.

"Mmm. See you later." He said his own goodbye and hanged up the phone before I can.

Despite what I said to tease him a little bit awhile ago, I found myself laying my head back down. I tried not to sleep, but it was a losing battle.

A short visit to dreamland was all it took, and it was already the afternoon. I had messaged Yo that I'll be in the Engineering Faculty cafeteria, and he told me that he'll just meet me there when he sees his results.

“Are you happy because you’re going to the same university as me? Or P’Pha?” I hurt a little asking that question, but he doesn’t have to know that. I’m just trying my best not to be too sensitive about it. And trying my best in not hoping he’d answer the way I wanted.

We both had passed the entrance examination for the university P’Pha goes to. Of course, I followed him and went to the same university. I was hesitant at first since I really was determined to get over him, but he dragged me to take the entrance exam. Thankfully he applied for a different faculty, so I wouldn’t have to see him as much, and probably get to know more people.

“Ummm …” He’s blushing a lot. “Shut up, Ming.”

“Don’t worry, Ai’Yo.” I rested my arm around him. “I’ll help you get P’Pha.”

Maybe when that happens, I can finally cry about it. Do you ever have things like that--things you can’t get over from unless you cried a whole lot about it?

“Mmm.” That’s all he said, keeping a tiny smile on his face. “Thanks.”