Yugioh Abridged Marik and Bakura Fan Fiction: Chain Letter

"Chain Letter"

*Marik is sitting at his kitchen table, on his laptop, while Bakura sits nearby, sipping tea. "Name? Marik...Ishtar..." Marik says, as he types it into his computer. "WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT ISN'T A REAL FRIGGING NAME?!" A furious Marik asks. Marik begins typing again. "Malik...Blishtar...Ah ha! Success!" Marik announces. "What are you doing?" Bakura asks. "Setting up my new account on the Facebook!" Marik reveals. "Why are you setting up a Facebook?" Bakura wonders. "Isn't it obvious? Using the Facebook as a base of operations is an excellent way for me to keep in contact with my Steves! We can tag each other in posts, we can participate in this brilliant invention known as a group chat, it will be such great fun! However, that cursed Mark Zuckerberg is doing everything in his power to foil my evil plans!" Marik reveals. "I don't think Mark Zuckerberg personally decides who gets a Facebook and who doesn't." Bakura notes. Marik ignores Bakura, and continues setting up his Facebook. "Birthday...hm...Bakura? Do you know my birthday?" Marik asks. Bakura pulls out his phone, and does a quick Google search. "According to the Yugioh Wikia, you were born on December 23rd!" Bakura tells him. "Can that be trusted?" Marik asks. "Anyone can edit a wikia, what does that tell you?" Bakura asks. "Then it MUST be true! People on the internet ALWAYS tell the truth!" Marik notes, before typing in his birthday. "Phone Number? Now it wants my frigging phone number?! What's next?! My Credit Card Number?!" An upset Marik asks. "Do you need some help?" Bakura asks. "Bakura, the Facebook has informed me that setting up an account is a simple process, I am certain that I can do it on my own." Marik says.

5 Hours Later...

*"Bakura, I need your help." Marik reluctantly tells Bakura. "What happened to you being able to do it on your own?" Bakura asks. "I underestimated what a worthy foe Mark Zuckerberg and his minions are. They are TRULY formidable." Marik notes. Bakura pulls the laptop over to him, and does some typing. "There, your account is now set up." Bakura confirms. "WHAT?! But how?!" Marik asks. "I simply typed in the necessary information, as Facebook had requested." Bakura tells Marik. "Lies! You MUST have used some type of black magic!" Marik yells. "Oh, that was quick..." Bakura notes. "What?" Marik asks. "You already have 25 friend requests, from people who I assume are either your Steves, or bots." Bakura reveals. "Accept them!" Marik demands. "Don't you want to be sure that you know these people first?" Bakura asks. "No need! I command you to accept the friend requests!" Marik repeats. Bakura proceeds to accept all 25 friend requests. "There, you are now friends with a bunch of people that you probably don't even know." Bakura says. "Yay!" Marik exclaims. "Oh, what's this? It appears someone has already messaged you." Bakura reveals. "My first Facebook message! I am SO excited!" Marik announces. Marik steals the laptop away from Bakura. "Oh, its from Steve Otis. Hm...that name doesn't sound familiar." Marik notes. Marik opens the message. "Five years ago, a girl who was committed at an asylum named Kasumi had died from being given too much electroshock therapy. Rumor has it that her spirit still walks this earth. Send this message to fifty other Facebook friends, and you will be spared. If you fail to do so, Kasumi will appear in your house at 2 AM, and will attack and kill you with her most trusted partner, Kuriboh." Marik reads. "Oh yay, its one of those lovely chain letters. I wouldn't worry about that, those things are never true." Bakura notes. "How do you know that for sure?! I have to send this to other people!" Marik announces. Marik clicks on his friends list, and screams. "Curses! I only have 25 friends! How am I supposed to send this to fifty friends when I don't have that many?" Marik asks. "Perhaps you could ignore the chain letter entirely and accept that it is fake?" Bakura asks. "I know! I will send a friend request to as many people as I can find, even if I don't know them! If I do that, I'm sure I'll be able to get the necessary amount of friends needed in order to save my life!" Marik says.

Later, at 8 PM...

*"I sent out two thousand and thirty five friend requests! You mean to tell me that none of them were accepted?!" Marik asks. "I'm afraid not. Even Ishizu didn't accept your friend request." Bakura reveals. "I always knew she was out to get me! Now what am I supposed to do?!" A worried Marik asks. "If you are so worried that this tall tale is real, perhaps you should make 25 more Facebook accounts, and then add them as friends. That way, you will have a total of fifty friends, meaning that you can send out all of the necessary messages containing that chain letter." Bakura suggests. "Are you MAD?! The evil spirit will KNOW that those accounts don't belong to real people! Besides, I had enough trouble setting up the first frigging account!" Marik notes. "Then I am afraid I am all out of ideas." Bakura says. "So that's it?! I am just supposed to wait here to die?!" A scared Marik asks. "Oh for goodness sake, Marik! That chain letter story isn't ACTUALLY real! Some dead asylum patient isn't going to break into our home just because you didn't share a bloody chain letter!" Bakura notes. At that moment, someone knocks on the door. "Its her!" Marik yells. "It isn't even 2 AM, and besides, if a crazed murderer was going to come and kill us, they probably wouldn't knock." Bakura points out. Bakura walks towards the door. "Don't open the door, Bakura! Its a TRAP!" Marik yells. Bakura opens the door, and finds Duke standing there, with a box of pizza in his hand. "I didn't order a pizza." Bakura coldly tells him. "I'll take it anyway!" Marik chimes in. "Shut up, Marik!" Bakura snaps. "Hey now, that's Kaiba's catchphrase!" Marik argues. "I'd be happy to give you the pizza for free, if you ladies would invite me in to share it with you." Duke tells them. "Wait a moment! Do I look like a frigging woman to you?! Because I assure you, I AM NOT!" Marik yells. "Why do you even need to be told that we aren't bloody women! We've met before!" Bakura tells Duke. "...We have?" A dumbfounded Duke asks. Bakura responds by slamming the door in Duke's face. "I told you it wasn't the ghost girl at the door." Bakura tells Marik. "Of course it wasn't! Ghosts are NEVER early!" Marik notes. "Why the bloody hell were you so afraid when I answered the door, then?!" Bakura asks. "Just because ghosts cant be early, doesn't mean she cant send a friend to take care of me before 2 AM." Marik notes. "Marik, as a five thousand year old spirit, I assure you...GHOSTS DON'T BLOODY HAVE FRIENDS!" Bakura yells. "How could you say such a thing?! I thought I was your friend!" Marik notes. "Unfortunately, there is an exception to every rule..." Bakura admits. Bakura walks towards the staircase. "I'm retiring for the evening." Bakura tells Marik. "You are retiring already? You are only five thousand years young! Dartz hasn't retired yet, and he is TWICE your age!" Marik argues. "It means that I am going to bed." Bakura clarifies. "You cant go to bed! You need to stay up with me!" Marik protests. "Why would I do a thing like that?" Bakura asks. "Because of safety in numbers. If the ghost lady shows up, at least you will be there so that we can both die!" Marik says. "That isn't what the expression means..." Bakura notes. "I don't care! I just need someone else to be there in case she shows up. That way, I'll have someone to sacrifice to her!" Marik tells Bakura. "Once more...the spirit mentioned in that message isn't coming! It is a HOAX!" Bakura yells. "You're lying! You know that the ghost lady is real, and the reason you don't want to stay awake is because you are afraid she'll kill you too!" Marik yells. "That is the most preposterous thing I've ever heard! Even if this myth was in fact real, she wouldn't be able to murder me! I am a bloody ghost myself, which means I'm dead already! I cant be killed a second time!" Bakura argues. "Well SPOILER ALERT, obviously, you haven't watched season 5!" Marik yells back. "If you really are going to keep insisting that I stay awake with you the entire night, then I will, but ONLY to prove that you are being a complete and total idiot." Bakura says. "Thank you very much, Bakura, you won't regret it!" Marik tells him. "Somehow, I doubt that..." A cynical Bakura says.