It's been 4 years, and 4 hours since I said yes to him.
And our relationship is not perfect, but I'm satisfied. For me, Kai is always enough.
Right now, we are cuddling on our bed, ever since we became together, he never let me use my own bed again.
"Babe, Can we now announce our relationship to everyone?" he asked, while he's playing my fingers.
I was quite taken aback by his sudden remark.
I also want to tell the world about what we have; about us.
"Baby..." I said, with a sad voice, as I looked at his eyes.
His hopeful expression suddenly turned into a blank one.
He slowly let go of his grasp in my hand, which i did not expect he'll do.
"What's the problem with telling them about us?" he hissed as he straighten his body to sit a little away from me.
I kept quiet. I do not know what to say.
Like him, I also want to tell the world that I love him. I love him with all my heart.
"Are you ashamed of me? Are you not proud that I am your boyfriend?" he outburst.
I jolted in my seat as I heard him shout.
"Jongin, it's not like that. It's not what you think. I... I —
"You what?!" He cut me off as he got away from the bed and stood up. "You what? Why can't you continue what you're going to say?! Why? Can't find another lie?!"
I stood up, because I felt the need to.
"When did I lie to you?!" I also said shouted. How can he accused me? How can he judged me without hearing my side?!
"I also want the world to know about us! BUT I DO NOT THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! We will hurt many, and we will break the hearts of million people! And how about the management? Do you think they'll agree about us telling the fans about what we have?! They may even NOT AGREE ON WHAT WE ARE! ARE YOU THINKING JONGIN?!" I said with many emotions.
"So, you are telling me that I'm not thinking?" he said, almost a murmur while eyeing me down his beautiful eye lashes.
Somehow, I feel guilty. I know I hurt him.
"Babe," I said calmly, "It's not like that—
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT?! You're telling me, it's not like that?! Well, I'm sorry if I'm NOT THINKING, I'm sorry if I'm NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE FANS, I'm sorry if I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THAT FUCKING MANAGEMENT! And I'm sorry BECAUSE I ONLY THINK ABOUT YOU AND ME, AND THIS FUCKING FEELING! I am sorry IF I LOVE YOU!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.
I felt the hot tears streamed down my face.
He's sorry beacuse he loves me?
Is that something you should feel sorry for?
Of course not! Because for me, I will never be sorry for loving him!
We heard many knocks on the door, and a click before JunMyeon-hyung enter.
Sehun followed, then Lay-Hyung, Minseok-hyung, and Chen, Baek and Chanyeol.
All of them were disturbed because of our stupid fight.
"What's the matter?" Suho-hyung said.
Jongin did not say anything, he was only looking at me, intently.
I am busy wiping the stupid tears off.
"Kyungsoo-ah, you're crying. Why?" Baek and Chen asked in unison.
I did not give any anwers, and so was he.
Lay-hyung sighed. I know he's tired because of the trip from China to here, I feel guilty.
"You two are fighting, we can hear you on our room. I think it's about relationship, management, fans, and thinking something, something." he said.
I bit my lower lip.
"Talk to him." Jongin said, as he look on the painting, as of it was more intereating than what's happening.
They all look at me. Seven pair of eyes are looking at me, waiting for answer.
Which,
I did not give.
Instead, I swayed them off a little before I ran out of the room, and out of the dorm.
I ran as fast as I can.
I forgot to wear my shoes off, but that did not stop me from running.
I did not stop, even though my feet start to bleed.
Not painful, anyway.
It's nothing compared on the pain that keep squeezing my heart.
I suddenly felt my knees wobbling, then I stumbled, and sat on the ground.
I am sorry for loving you...
I am sorry for loving you...
I am sorry for loving you...
I am sorry for loving you...
"Stupid Jongin." I whispered.
My tears started to flow again.
Making me sobbed a little harder.
We are now 4 years and 4 months old, for the fucking sake!
I am sorry for loving you...
I am sorry for loving you...
I am sorry for loving you...
Fuck!
"I just wanna die."
(to be continued)
