Youth | Lynn Gunn

Chapter Four

Don't tell me our youth is running out
It's only just begun

I fiddled with my rings as i read the text message on my screen, I will be there in fifteen. I miss you so much.

Four whole days in this hell hole and my boyfriend was finally seeing me. He was finally showing some sort of care for once since i have been here.

I swung my legs over the bed and stood up, my legs shaky as i held on to the wall to the bathroom. I grabbed the brush and ran it through my hair.

Clumps slowly falling out, my hair was falling out like the rest of the things in my life. I tossed the brush in the sink, my hands rested in my hair as i closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

My legs resting against the sink to not loose my balance, i grabbed the makeup bag and searched for the eyeliner. I removed the lid and pressed it to my waterline, shaking as i tried to apply it.

Five minutes of trying to be somewhat perfect and not look like a piece of trash failing, i tossed the bag across the bathroom. My legs caving in as i hit the floor.

Sobs coming from me, sobs that were screams as i just held my knees to my chest. The door swung open, one of the nurses stood at the door way. A new set of feet beside her, ones that i had never noticed.

I looked up with my fingers at my lips, my eyes on the new set of feet. My eyes going to Lynn, the brunette that had been nice enough to me, "I can't do it. I'm not even steady enough to look presentable anymore."

The nurse and Lynn helped me, both guiding me to the bed as they sat beside me. The nurses hand rubbing circles on my shoulder.

Lynn's hand in mine as she rubbed the top of my hand, her voice soothing as she told me everything would be okay. Everything would be fine.

The calming moment shutting down quickly, "My boyfriend is gonna be here soon and i look awful."

Lynn's hand jerked away from mine as she took in the words i said, a blank look on her face. A look of hurt and defeat from her.

"If he loves you, it won't matter how you look." She spoke, she stood to her feet and walked to the doorway.

"I'll see you later." Her voice quiet as she walked out of the room. Her head down, the smile gone.

I'm here, see you soon. The phone dinged on the bedside table.

"He is here and i look awful." I sobbed.

My boyfriend was gonna see this, see how this cancer was ripping me apart. He is gonna know that i am sicker then i played it out to be. Would he even care?

"Honey, i will help you. Okay?" Kaci smiled, she stood up and grabbed the makeup bag from the bathroom.

She applied the makeup products, checking over and over again as she smiled. She was my own personal artist at this exact moment.

She handed me the mirror, "See? Perfect."

I handed the mirror back and smiled as i looked outside the room, my blankets covering the shitty hospital gown.

The knock at the door sending both of our attentions to it, there he stood in his black leather jacket. His black hair slicked to the side, his blue eyes shinning through to me like my saving grace.

His smile warming me up like a thousand fireflies, "Hey beautiful."

He handed me the roses and placed a kiss to my cheek. His hand at my shoulder as he studied me, taking me all in.

I bit at my bottom lip, "Hey Aaron."

"I'll leave you too it." Kaci smiled, she winked once he turned to face me again.

He took the empty space on the foot of the bed, his hand in mine as he began to tell me all of the many things i had missed in our small group of friends.

Lynn sat in the waiting room chairs, her head in her hands as she shook her head. Kaci sat down beside her, "Are you okay there Lyndsey?"

Lynn looked up and sighed as she leaned into the chair. Her knee to her chest as she held it in place with both of her arms. Her green eyes focused on the hallway that sat our rooms.

"I will be, i guess." She shrugged.

She stood up from the chairs and walked down the hallway, her movements fast as she avoided looking into the windows of any patients.

She came to my room, my laughter rang out as she stopped and looked inside my room. She should have known, it was only one day she had known me and she was already crushing me.

I pressed a kiss to my boyfriends lips, his hand at my head as he held in me place. Lynn scoffed as she took off down the hallway, her boots hitting the floor echoing through the hallway.

Aaron held my hand and tracing circles as he listened to me talk, his usual smile and spark gone as he looked down at my hand.

"What's wrong?"

He looked up and cleared his throat, his hand running through his hair to slick back the few strands that had fell.

"I uh." He stopped as he looked to me, worry on his face as he looked back down to the ground.

"I'm moving Miller. I uh, i found a good job. I'm going to New York, getting out of this shitty state that is North Carolina." He tried to smile, but couldn't.

"That's good baby, does this mean i'm being transferred?" I asked, some hope in my heart as i scooted closer to him.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He pulled his hand away, he stood up as he slid his hands into his blue jean pockets.

"Why? I mean we are supposed to have a life together. We have been together since we were sixteen."

I looked at him, i searched for something. Anything that told me he was making a joke. That he was being funny and just was making me feel better.

All hopes going away as he looked up to me, his blue eyes looking into my hazel eyes. His face expressionless.

"I should go."

He moved to the door, his presence disappearing from the room. I stood up from
the bed, my feet moving slowly and shakily as i tried to chase after him.

Two foot steps ahead and within seconds, my legs gave out. I fell to the ground, screams coming from me as i sobbed. The love of my life was leaving me behind, this was the breakup.

I looked to the bed, i grabbed the roses and tossed them across the room. Everything was blurred, all i could feel was a set of arms pulling me up.

"Leave me alone. Leave me here, let me go. Let me go." I screamed, all of the makeup that had been so perfectly applied on my face smearing.

I was sat on the bed, the blankets being removed from under me as they covered me up.

Lynn stood in the hallway, her heartbreaking as she listened to the screams fill the hallway. The rest of the rooms standing at the window watching and listening to the commotion take place.

In this moment, this time and place i didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to survive anymore.