Youth | Lynn Gunn

Chapter Five

If I asked you for good news,
would you smile and turn away?

Days had turned into weeks and weeks had turned into months, i was a zombie. I avoided all contact with everyone.

I refused groups meetings, the therapy the interaction with anyone. My life resulted into being the stalking ex that watched my ex boyfriend, the love of my life enjoy his new life.

He had got a girlfriend a few days into the move, she was pretty. She was all that i wasn't and would never be.

She had a head full of hair, i was loosing mine with every single day that passed. I was lucky if i had any left after everything.

I watched this while world pass by me with everything, i watched other kids that had been here before me leave. They got to ring the cancer free bell and go home. They were able to enjoy their life.

I had managed to get sicker, get weaker, turn into the person that everyone that was healthy and normal feel pity for. I wasn't this person, i was never this person.

I looked to the open window, the birds chirping as they moved around the ground of the roof. The babies following it's mother around, something that i had grown to miss.

I replayed the memories of the being this girl that had a life ahead of her, i sat and played things different in my head.

"Miller Gray! Get over here!"

"Get over here, my beautiful girlfriend."

"Come on, it's not cold. It's warm and i'm not doing this alone."

"Hey." Lynn spoke, her voice quieter then usual.

I turned to look at her, i smiled. One i'm sure that didn't match the look of hurt, heartache, and brokenness on my face. 

"Hey."

She walked into the room and placed a small plate on to the counter top. She walked over to the bed and sat down, her focus on me as she ran her hands on her black skinny jeans.

"I uh, i brought you a cake. It was Alex's birthday today. I figured you wanted a piece. Everyone loves cake." She let out a small chuckle.

"Thanks." My attention still at the world outside.

"See you later?" She asked as she stood up from
the bed.

I looked to her and nodded, "Sure."

She turned to walk out of the door. She stopped and turned to lean on the door frame.

"Hey."

I looked over to her again.

"We all miss you at the group, i know it's only been like one day you were there and that's three months ago. We just, were a family here. Don't push us out because your ex boyfriend is a jerk. We're good people."

She turned back on her heels and walked towards her room. Her words ringing through my ears as i looked back to the window outside, the birds that once sat there gone as they flew away.

A reality that won't happen to me anytime soon, i was to weak even move anymore. I needed help
to even move around the room.

Two weeks had came and gone, all i ever did now was go to chemo treatments and listen to the doctor tell me i had a chance to beat this. The chemo was doing it's job.

I was so weak from everything that i had completely lost my will to continue. I only left my bed to watch the outside world, somehow planning my escape.

I listened to the laughter from the other patients on my hall fill the hallway, a few singing along with some song another one was singing.

The movements stopped once they got to
my door, the creak of my door sending me to look over to it.

Kaci had stopped at my room, her head peaking in, "Hey honey, do you feel like participating today? It's art day, gonna be real fun."

I looked over to her, her bright smile on her face as she waited for my answer. I looked passed Kaci to see Lynn behind her, some sort of hope on her face as she watched me.

"We're a family here."

"Okay." I spoke.

Kaci looked to the group as she held up a finger telling them to hold on, the door swung open as the nurse grabbed the wheelchair that sat in the corner of the room, helping me in it.

Lynn smiled at me as she watched Kaci move to the front of the line and lead the group outside of the hospital, the fresh air hitting my lungs as i felt some sort of relief, some freedom.

"It's about time to start over, don't you think?" Kaci asked as she sat down at the picnic table after putting the stops on my chair.

Michael began to speak as everyone began to grab their choices of art, their way to self express themselves.

A smile on everyone's faces as they waited for the go to do what best shows their sense of style.