Step by Step, Closer to you

THE COVER ART IS NOT MINE, I EDITTED, BUT THE ART IS NOT DRAWN BY ME!

Song: Play eye-water from the Attack on Titan OST!     

It was a small little thing that started all this. I didn't even pay much attention to the thing that started all this. I don't even know when I started to feel this way. It might've been when I first saw him, but didn't realize it. But whatever it was, I suddenly realized that I, Mikasa Ackerman, was deeply in love with the horse face boy.

-

My father and mother were both murdered, and I would've met the worst fate possible, until a boy, my age, Eren Jaeger saved me. We ended up killing those three men who tried to hurt me and killed my parents, and I promised myself that I would dedicate my life to Eren, because afterall, he was the one who saved my life.

We grew up together. We fought, and we made up. We joined the Special Operation Squad together. We lived almost all our lives together. I dedicated my life to him, and when he was in danger, I put my life on the line to save him. It didn't matter if I died. I would've already died if it were'nt for him. I had nothing to lose. 

One day, I was following Eren after his fight with the horse faced boy. He stopped me and said "Uh, your black hair is very beautiful." I said thank you and went after Eren. I wasn't very happy, he was the one who started a fight with Eren, and now he's here saying this to me. I... Is he... trying to flirt on me?

-

Ever since that day, I felt weird.

 -

Sigh. 

One day, all of a sudden... I felt like I did have something to lose. I didn't want to die. I wanted to stay alive. I don't know what made me like this. But my heart ached, it felt weird.

I wanted to stay loyal to Eren. But this feeling... It made my dedication towards Eren all messed up. I couldn't focus on him. I was focused on something else that I did'nt even know about. Damn... What am I thinking? 

I was at the girl's dorm, until Eren walked in.

"Eren! Get out! You'd get in trouble if anyone knew you came in the girls dorms!"

" Psh- I won't get caught! God, I'm not a small kid anymore Mikasa, I know what to do! I asked Armin to stand gaurd just in case."

"Still,..."

"Uh, Mikasa... I... I have something to ask you."

"What is it? Hurry."

"I've been waiting to ask you this but..."

"Go on?"

"I... Mikasa... I, Eren Jaeger... I... GOD I CAN'T DO THIS"

"What is it Eren? Just blurt it out already!"

And then Armin said, "Hurry up Eren! Annie is coming this way!"

Eren let out a frustrated sigh and said "Okay, phew, okay. I can do this!"

     and.... I should've seen what he was about to say. I should've of.

"I LIKE YOU MIKASA. A LOT. LIKE A LOT. AND UH I DON'T KNOW BUT LET'S, OF COURSE IF YOU WANT, DO YOU.. DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?!"

Right then, Armin bursted in and yelled: "EREN HURRY UP, SOMEONES COMING! COME OUT YOU'LL GET IN TROUBLE!" And with that, Eren had to run out, without my answer. 

-

It was night, and I was in bed. I sighed. I didn't know what this was. What am I feeling? 

My chest felt heavy. I didn't feel free. I felt like I was trapped in a little bird cage. So I went outside for a small walk to get everything off my chest. I was walking slowly, sorting my mind, staring at the dirt. The dirt was dry, it hasn't rained for weeks now. 

And then I bumped into Jean, and  he said 

"Uh," and coughed. "Hey, Mikasa..."

"Hello."

"Soooooo, what's up? You don't look so well."

"Nothing. Must I really answer your questions? I don't have time for you."

   He blushed with embarrasment. Did I go too far? Wait, no, I don't need to worry if I'd gone too far with him.

"Oh, sorry, we should talk some other time when you're not too busy."

 I didn't even reply. I walked away. My stomach felt so weird. Is this what it feels like to have butterflies in your stomach? My heart was pounding. I felt... like... I didn't even know what this was. Until later on, I didin't realize what this feeling was. 

-

SONG: PLAY "All Myself to You" by Yiruma for full story experience.

It has been a year. 

I fell on my bed. 

My legs and arm was trembling. What.. what is my life. 

Why must everyone who I love die.

My father and mother died.

My new parents, Eren's parents... My new mother died. My new father... I don't even know what happened.

And now... 

I can't bring myself to think of that moment. 

A mission gone horribly wrong. 

Armin... E..Eren... they all... they all just.... left me.

I never even gave Eren my answer. 

His last moment.... He used the last of his strength just to say...

     "Mikasa.. I. I love you no matter what. Even if you don't love me... BE HAPPY, MIKASA ACKERMAN!"

My only friends, the only people I knew to love.

The only people who loved me. 

They were eaten by  titans.

Why are the Gods so cruel? 

Why didn't they take me along?

Why do I have to live with all the guilt of not being able to save them?

"WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE! WHY! WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU, SO I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH ANY GUILT. GODAMN IT EREN! GODAMN IT ARMIN! WHY DID YOU DIE AND LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY!" 

And I broke down. I was sobbing. I couldn't even breathe. I wanted to clutch my chest, but I lost my arm. I only had my left arm. I tried to hug myself with the one arm I had left. It wasn't helping. I couldn't feel my body. My world was slowly turning black. And I fell.

-

When I woke up, the horse faced bo- I mean Jean was looking at my face.

Well, his eyes were closed, it seemed that he dozed off.

I forgot why I was here. I rised up, and Jean woke up. 

With squinty eyes and after a long yawn, he said

"Are you okay Mikasa? You.. erm, had a breakdown about two days ago because... you know.. and you slept until now."

"Oh. " That was all I could say. I remebered why I was here. Tears began to roll down my face.

"Mikasa. Its okay. M...may I help you get through this? Mikasa.. to be very honest, I've liked you since last year. The moment I saw you, you were my, my dream girl? I don't know, but I fell in love with you."

He grasped my hand. It was warm. My stomach fluttered again. That exact feeling from the year ago.

I somehow felt better. Was this the feeling this whole time? 

Was... was I.. Was I in love?