Matthew's p.o.v
Have you ever felt like a complete waste of space? Worthless, dead on the inside, useless, insane. Depressed.
Depression, it's like an endless pit, as you finally think it comes to an end you just keep falling down and going deeper. It's a feeling that makes you do some horrible things. It could destroy you. It's destroying me. To everybody around me my life may seem perfect. Amazing friends, loving parents, adoring fans, popularity. However all of those things have their cons. Things like hate.
It gets worse and worse each day. No matter what I do or say it seems to always be there. People say words don't and can't hurt you are clearly stupid. They can kill you both mentally and physically. Some of the things they say sometimes get to me so bad I feel completely numb. When I first blew up on vine I didn't really care for it because it was only a couple people but now it's thousands millions of people that don't know me saying all these horrible things about me. I found this Twitter account and the whole page was just people hating on me. Some of them I could brush off but when you have a Twitter account with 25.8k tweets and 57K followers and each of them saying things like:
Kill yourself already
You don't deserve to be in MAGCON, you're too ugly to be in it.
Eww stay away from the boys don't need then catching your faggoty germs!
Slit your wrist already nobody would care or miss you anyways lol
#MATTHEWGOKILLYOURSELF
WORTHLESS WASTE OF SPACE
You're so ugly and fat, have you seen your self in the mirror
It will start to get to you. You will hear people constantly tell you to ignore them. Or they're just jealous of what you have of who you are and just brush it off but when you have millions of people telling you to kill yourself you feel sometimes like they're right and you should do it. Going through things like that account and my mentions sometimes made me want to go back in time and make sure I never downloaded vine. I would've simply been Matthew Espinosa. Not Matthew Espinosa the vine sensation. There wouldn't be thousands of hate pages. I wouldn't have any of the scars that I have now all over my arms. I wouldn't have the suicidal thoughts that always cloud my mind. I wouldn't be too sad to physically move all the time. I'd be a normal happy 18 year old. I'd have a normal life. I just want to be normal but the voices in my head always remind me that I'll never be normal or happy.
If only they knew I hate myself as much as they hate me.
~
So this is the brand new chapter one to this book. I hope you guys like this it's short but it's enough for you to see what goes on in Matthew's head and thoughts. I can't wait for you guys to see how the rest of this book is going to turn out!!! I'm super excited for this book tbh. I hope you guys end up loving how the new rewritten version is coming out already. Comment so I know if you guys like it or not. Love you guys 😙💕
