The Trouble With Love (SHOEY Fanfic) DISCONTINUED

I Will Save You (Chaper 15)

"Shane! That's not what I want! I'm over us."

I just lied through my teeth. Fuck me.

"I just want our friendship back." I paused. What else could I say to get his attention?!

I could hear him stop walking and I took a chance. He has to know what he means to me.

"Shane, some things were meant to be. You were my closest friend. I need you! When was the last time you realized you were actually needed by someone?"

He slowly stepped into the room with tears in his eyes. He stared at the floor and I continued quieter.

"Something has to give. I can't take it anymore. My life has been a living nightmare without you. Call me what you like. A wimp, faggot, I've been called them all."

I saw him wince. Well, at least I'm getting somewhere with him...

"I've gone through a lot, like you. I've had to suck it up and deal with it, like you." My voice rose. "I will take anything you throw at me. I will keep fighting for this. Us."

At this point I was on my feet, shouting at him. I can't believe how desperate I sound...

My mother's face flashed in my mind when I realize my emotions.

~~~~~~~~

I was about fourteen.

Yet another night, mom coming come drunk off her ass. I was laying on the couch, watching TV. I had just eaten dinner and cleaned up like a good boy. Nicole was out at a party, as usual.

"J-Joseph.. G-go get me a beer.."

I rolled my eyes. Can't she just get over my dad already?! It's been two years, for crying out loud.

"No. Go to sleep."

The goofy look in her eyes changed to begging.

"Come on h-honey... Just do y-your mom a favor."

Something inside me snapped, and I was furious. I jumped to my feet from the couch.

"Mom! How long does it take to get over a divorce?! YOU wanted the divorce. How about you do me a favor, and remarry dad? You still love him, right? I want my family back together! I can't be sent between you and dad for the rest of my years in school!"

I was desperate for a united family again.

"I can't take this anymore! Neither can Nicole. Please, please, just figure something out! It's not that hard!

~~~~~~~~

I remember crying my eyes out that night. My mom left again after my speech to some random guy's house. No doubt what happened that night.

I stared at him and blinked back to real life. Just a few minutes ago, I was completely submissive to him. Now I'm ranting to his face like there's no tomorrow.

"I don't care if you hurt me! I don't care how bad you hurt me! I need to show you how serious I am about this! PLEASE, give me a chance! You don't have to live like this anymore!"

I sat back down crying into my hands. I heard his quiet footsteps coming towards me, and I looked up. He finally spoke, sending shivers down my spine at how genuinely upset he sounded.

"You don't understand... Do you? Joey, I do want you back. I want you in my life. But... My head won't let me. I... Just want you to go away, ok? I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry, Joey, but I just... need to be alone."

I let it sink in for a minute.

I'm not giving up.

"Shane, I don't give a fuck if you hurt me."

"Joey..." he looked like he was about to break down in tears any second. "I need to think. You don't deserve having me like... this, until i figure myself out. I don't want anything to do with Izzy. And you... You can just focus on her. Please? She needs you."

I felt a rush of sadness. He won't let me help him. But he is trying to protect me from himself... But what if he tries to hurt himself while I'm not around?! Who will protect him?

"I will help Izzy. I will help you. Please, Shane... I can't leave you here like this. I just want to tear away everything that ever hurt you or made you sad. I want you to be free of this pain."

He was staring at the wall, floor, anywhere but me.

"I want you to feel loved." I murmured.

"Please... Just give your attention to Izzy. I want her to live a better life than me. I ruined her, I want to save her. I can't be saved. I'm un-savable, Joey!"

His voice started to crack and he was blinking back tears.

I stayed silent, wanting to hear more. This is the deepest conversation we've ever had. Usually we're joking around about our sexualities. I finally broke down his walls.

"Her heart can be fixed! Fix her before me!!!"

He spins around and punches the wall, leaving a small dent. When he turned back around, tears were pouring down his cheeks.

"I can't get better knowing I'm the reason she's fucked up. F-fix her."

I jump to my feet and walk up to him. He wouldn't look at me, so I gently lifted his chin.

His eyes slowly fluttered to meet mine. The tear stains on his cheeks made my eyes water even more. He just looked into my eyes, with the most hopeless expression I've ever seen.

It was a beautiful moment, both of us looking into each other's eyes, just calmly staring into our souls.

I didn't want to break the uncertain silence, but I had to. I couldn't stand to see him this upset. If only I could wipe away his tears forever...

"Shane..." I murmured, "Everyone is savable. Let me help you. I have to fix both of you at the same time. Izzy can't be fixed while you are the same person. I know there's a beautiful person deep inside you... You just have to let it out." I smile a little, and he grins slightly. He relaxes slightly and hugs me.

I feel the slight warmth of his body against mine and savored it. I could get used to this...

He finally pulled away and my face slightly falls at letting go. He wipes his eyes and murmurs to me in that sad, husky voice.

"Help me, Joey."

*******************

I had skipped outside his house beaming,

I ended up talking to Shane for a few more minutes. He even hugged me again! I made him promise me to call me or text me later, in hopes I can still help when I'm away from him.

My heart was in the process of bursting.

I tossed my camera equipment into the back of Satsuki, and got in the passenger side. I looked in the backseat at Izzy, who was a nervous wreck.

She was silently crying, biting her fingernails, and murmuring things to herself. I felt bad for her, but I knew she would freak out as soon as I told her what happened.

Sawyer looked almost as bad, but he wasnt crying. He was gripping the steering wheel and clenching his jaw.

"Well?!" He stared at me intently. I lost it.

I just started laughing and crying and hugging both of them.

"Joey, tell us!!" Izzy was bewildered but she gripped my shirt as we hugged.

"It's over... We're free..." I sobbed, smiling ear to ear. I've never felt so good in my life.

"He's ready to change. You're safe, Izzy! You're safe!"

I have waited so long for this day to come.

--AN--
Yayyyy! Shane's not completely evil! And there's a possibility of more Shoey moments ;)
But I finally updated. #damnwritersblock
Ya feel me? ;-; But I should be able to update more often. Not really much this week, because I have theater camp. Hooray for memorizing lines :P