Moving On: How my Past Has Shaped me

My Transgender Experience

My name is Adrian Laughman. I was born female, but realized around the age of fourteen that I was transgender. I grew up in a small town where everybody knows everything about everyone, and usually that was okay because the people were very generic. Everybody was religious, mainly Catholic and Christian. Everybody was straight, cisgender, and predominantly white. Many people carried prejudice against anybody who was different. Therefore, growing up I always wanted to fit in. I was always trying to blend in and be an average kid. Once I got a little older and realized that I did not like girls, I panicked. I didn't even know another gay person in real life. I was sure that everybody would talk about me and I knew I would get a lot of hate from people I didn't even know. I started dating my first girlfriend, who I will talk about later on. Things were fine for awhile, but then I realized I still wasn't happy with who I was. After some searching, I found the term "transgender" and I've identified with it ever since. Coming out as a lesbian was a pretty terrible experience already, so I was not looking forward to coming out as transgender. When I came out as trans, I was nearing the end of my freshman year. Before sophomore year, I emailed all of my teachers and asked them to use male pronouns. A couple teachers were supportive and proud that I was being myself and going through with this. Other teachers pretended it wasn't happening or that I didn't even exist in the classroom. Fast forward to the present, and I am a senior in high school. Mostly everybody uses male pronouns or just doesn't talk to me. I have had my name legally changed, and I am two months on testosterone. I have a new girlfriend, whom I live with about fifteen minutes away from my hometown. I work at Taco Bell, and I commute to school every day. I am relatively happy with where I am in my life. There are still many things that I am unhappy with. Actions I have made in my past that I wish I could change, things about me I wish were different, events that I have gone through that I wish I didn't have to. Because of my insecurities and bad memories that I still hold, I am hoping that writing everything down and sharing my story will help me to let go of some of the anger I still hold inside me.