One Starless Sky

“I have to go… I need to find him. I have to bring him back!”

 But how can I possibly do that? I must be dreaming of an impossible dream. Wasn’t I the one who pushed him, who forced him to go there? Where I will never see him. Feel him. Find him.

 It is almost a month since that very fateful night. The night I almost wished had never come. The night he wept. The night I made him wept. The night he was hurt. The night I hurt him. The night that broke his heart. The night I broke his heart. And all these, I’ve realized when everything changed.

 I can still recall his favorite line. “I am here to guide you, to guard you. It is our fate that brought us here together. We can never change that. Let’s just cherish every moment we are together…” oh, how touching… I should have been cooperative with him.

 Yet, I never mind him. I treated him as if he’s somebody I never really cared for at all.

 “You and I can never be together… Maybe there’s someone else who can reciprocate whatever you’re giving. I’m sure someone else is what you deserve.”

 “Why are you telling me these things? Can’t you see how willing I am to exchange everything I have and everything I am to be with you? I am loving you…”

 Yes, I know. He loves me. I love him deep inside me. But what can I do? I’m just a human being. A very dumb, narrow-headed organism. Foolish being, who never really thought of things beyond reality. Can a blameless ever be blamed? A soldier can never be brave enough to fight the enemies if he has inhibitions. I’m a soldier full of inhibitions in my heart.

 “You are immortal. I am a human. Months, years, decades, we can be together. But how can I be with you beyond that? Say, centuries! You can live twice, thrice, I don’t know, a couple of times of my whole life…”

 “Can’t you understand? I can take my parts off my body and change it with the one that only you, humans, have.”

 “But that can never change the fact…”

 “The fact that I love you! Can’t you see I have tears already? I have emotions! I have feelings! That’s why I love you! I love you even we are different!”

 “I’m sorry…”

 I left him that night. Wondering what’s going on my head. Can’t I understand? He will do everything just to be with me. He will put himself a heart; things which are natural to humans. But, is that possible? No one has ever tried. No one will ever try.

 I tried to make up my mind and tell him things that will comfort him. I talked to him the next night.

 “AR-717… that’s how they made you. That’s how I first know you. But, no matter how hard you insist to undergo such operations on you, it is very much impossible… They don’t do such things. I really wonder – how you were able to cry, to smile, to love… When you never had a heart rather a program installed in you right from the very beginning…”

 “Your parents made me. They made me to guide you, guard you… You are right; everything I have in me is programmed. Maybe, there are things I have done which are unexplainable. Like smiling, crying… loving. All your life I am with you and I think by now, that was quite a long time…”

 He left me that night. I was in tears. I was in pain. I was undoubtedly in deep sorrow. I can hear him enter his room and locked it. I thought he just locked himself I his room the whole night. I was wrong. He left me. Totally. He was gone. He went somewhere where I will never see him. Surely, a place I will never find him.

 After such a long time, I have decided on doing one thing. I will be the one to do the operation. I will change his parts into vital organs. I will make him just like me! A human being!

 But where will I start finding him? Wasn’t I the one who pushed him, who forced him to go to a place far from my reach? I have to bring him back! I need to find him. I have to go.