MOVING ON

As I stood there watching him walk away, one thing I knew for sure is that he was never coming back again. Words can't just express the pain that crept into my heart again. Once, when living without him was almost unimaginable I would now have to learn to live with the same which had now turned into a fact. 'Why me?' was the only question that struck my mind as hot tears followed down my cheeks. I knew that I was not the same anymore, that that one moment had turned my life completely. I was not myself anymore. It felt like as he walked away from me he took whatever was left in me along with him. But I knew one thing, that life went on, wether you liked it or not, time never waited for you. So, hard as it was but still I decided to move on, to give life a second chance because I knew that I was alone now. I had no one whom I could refer as a part of my family. Days, months, years passed by and I was able to heal my wounds again until one fine day that man returned....

Many thoughts kept mendeling in my mind. All of our past encounters, meetings came rushing back like some movie. But thats not what brought tears in my eyes, the memory of you leaving me did. Some words sting like a bee. People sometimes sting us, and I am entirely aware what it does. But after you had gone and stopped speaking I wondered what had happened?  Were our older conversations stinging me?  Or I just didn't want to accept. I haven't yet got to that part. But as I stood there numb on the ground I wondered, what was I going to do now when you were standing in front of me? You still looked just as perfect as you did when you left. The same large well sculpted body, beady blue eyes and strickingly attractive.

As we stood there in the pouring rain your words came out like striking lightning.

"Do you still love me... can you give me a second chance?!"

Yes!...i wanted to shout out loud but something in me said no.

Everything i had felt in the past few years came flying back that you had Detached yourself.  Cutoff.  Just left. The tears from my eyes refused to stop. It felt like crying and removing it all out from the inside. It was all hollow. Nothing left to say. It was like I had fallen from this huge light to a place where my eyes took a lot of time to be adjusted to. To a place which always existed, but in your being I never bothered discovering. Now that I had learned to laugh and  enjoy still somewhere however small it was I missed you. And I missed you for a very long time. All these years I couldn't stop myself from going to each exact moment we spent together, thinking where I went wrong. There wasn't one night passing without tears, without prayers. I hated it. I hated it that you were completely fine without me. That you could fall in love so easily, so fast with someone else, while my tears were still falling. I hated you for a very long time,

Until this day..... I knew I had loved you more than anyone had ever loved someone else.

Sometimes I lied 'cause I didn't want to believe the truth. I was sick of pretending I was happy. I wanted to let go but something kept on pulling me back to you. I guess the moment when everything changed, I realized I deserved better.  But if only those little moments with you mattered so much to me. Each day I was thankful to the nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, dreams that turned into reality and likes that turned into love. The smile on your face told me that you needed me, there's a truth into your heart that says trust me...and the touch of your hand that says I'll be there for you! Trusted you more than anything.

There as i stood thinking all this in my mind.....he shooked me and said..."are you alright?...why aren't you saying anything?!"

This brought me back to the present...."yes i am fine"

Hearing this he sounded relieved.

I then asked him in the most agonising tone..."Why have you returned now ?.why did you leave me in the first place?"

I could see the pain in his eyes as he said, "i had my own reasons..... And it was for your good that i left!...i loved you too much to see you sufer along with me!"

I failed to understand this. All my comprehending abilites seemed to fail

First he leaves and then when he returns he doesn't even consider it vital to give a proper explanation!.....

I was enraged did i not deserve an explanation?... or was the truth so harsh that he thought i would not be able to keep up with it or was this just another trick of his......I wasn't sure but if this was another trap i knew that am not falling for it this time.....

After a long pause he asked again "will you give me a second chance?"

Heavy heartedly i replied, "No!.....you were the one to leave and now i've learnt to lead my life without you...had you not left i wouldnt be able to enjoy life"

I knew that it was not all true but it was time to move on. So there i went leaving him behind in the pouring rain. It was exactly like that day only the roles were switched.