The weather is quite gloomy today, I mean yesterday it was so bright and happy..but today? The clouds are hiding away the bright and comforting sun, a cold breeze is splashing against my skin as goosebumps invade every inch of my body-and lonely snowflakes seem to drip from the sky. The giddy sun from yesterday has disappeared along with my tolerance and happiness.
My emotions seem to be a reflection of the sky; empty, lonely, and depressed. It's like I'm a television, I'm constantly changing and can't seem to stop; one second I'm white, the next I'm black, and at times I'm a completely different color altogether. I sit behind this screen and watch those who are just one shade-the ones who never change and are stable, always questioning, what is it like?
I want to be stable.
Can someone tell me why I'm always changing? It's as if I'm fighting against someone who isn't there, fighting against an invisible enemy-and those who really are there are pushed away due to my reckless decisions when in a different color.
Who is my fight against?
My hands press against this glass screen that separates me from the rest-just let me be colorful like them please. Faking it can only go so far, just let me out of this confining television please-let me break free please, wont you take these shackles off? No...it's always a no...so I'm left to suffer here until my body gives out and decays.
I'm stuck in here, I just want to be one color, one channel-stop changing my channels please. It's terrifying, I tremble in fear, my body quakes from the horror of each changing channel. I see the button being pressed, and it's as if no matter how much I try to keep the channel from changing, I'm booted from the screen as another fills up my place. Why can't I be stable? Why can't I just be..normal?
Each emotion is a different person, a different channel. And once a channel is brought, my real self is forgotten and abandoned in a pile where the rest of the untouched channels lie until it's time for them to come out again.
I can't control the changing of my channels, the damage each channels inflicts when I'm pushed out brings shame to my conscious side. I have no recollection of what each channel does, of what mayhem they've created now-and once I realize what they've actually done, it's too late...
The channel I fear the most is the red channel.
She's a scary one.
A very precarious and unsteady channel-she's violent, irrational, and destroys anything good in my life. I want to get off of these stupid medications, but the red channel comes back and she ruins it all. Her rage and revenge is disgusting-I hate when she comes out...
My one true wish?
To be normal once again...just make it stop...
YOU ARE READING
Inside the Quiet Ones Mind
PoesíaI've decided to start posting my poetry and such sooo uh...here goes nothing? For those lonely peeps out there, this is for y'all lol I feel your pain :')
