Outcast

Sometimes, maybe I try too hard

Too hard to please everyone that leaves me emotionally scarred

I thought I was doing great

I congratulated myself almost every day

That's when I noticed my days were turning gray

People are so hard to read, what is it that they hate?

~~~

They say, "You used to be happy, what went wrong?"

I smile because that's the only safe way to respond

I find myself saying "I hate" more often

I don't want to become like them, to please who?

Standing in front of the mirror, I see two

How can I change myself to only see one?

~~~

People tell me that everything is in the past

But why am I still such an outcast?

They say so many things but their face tells another story

Have my hard times really passed?

Because I still feel like an outcast.

I try so hard. I wish they could open their eyes and see.

~~~

No one is born perfect, I know

So how do they grow up to be so perfect though?

At least that's what I'm told

I should try harder to be a better person

It's so much easier said than done

I'm such a coward, I'm sorry I don't know how to be bold.

~~~

Really, how much longer will I say I am okay?

I'm making myself sick, but I don't know how to stay away

It's something inside of me, it makes them so angry

Maybe my heart is cold, maybe my personality is too aggressive

I'm doing all I can to hold on and live

But why can't they see that I'm trying to change me?

~~~

They tell me it's all in the past

But they still make me an outcast

People encourage me but their eyes are a different story

Did my hard times pass?

No, because I'm still an outcast

Please, for once, open your eyes and try to see.

~~~

Hurts to see how much they fake when they look up

They cover it by saying "Look how much you've grown up"

But I have to say thank you for not saying nasty things to my face

It's not like I can hear you when you whisper in front of me, unknowingly

I don't blame you, I just wish you could let me be

Sometimes, I feel so hopeless, repeating to myself that I really am a disgrace.

~~~

One day, when I am who you want me to be

You will run away, coming back with an army

With more requirements from me, you'll continue playing your little game

Even if it hurts me, I'll put on that smile you dislike

Because it makes me feel so alike

I may miss but this is my aim.

~~~

People tell me everything is in the past

But why am I still such an outcast?

They say so many things but their face tells another story

Have my hard times really passed?

Because I still feel like an outcast

I try so hard. I wish they could open their eyes and see.

~~~

I threw myself against the wall, so many times I was ready to give up

I threw my emotions under the bus trying to cover up

Is it normal I find myself hating myself more often?

I am my own company and comfort

I don't expect you to know how much I've been hurt

Is there any reason to run when I'm too beaten?

~~~

I'm surprised how much I have overcome

But it's not over, I still have to blossom

I learned it's hard and I'm alone

I'm so used to this, my life supply of tears is now dry

At one point, I thought I was going to die

I'm shocked at how much I have grown.

~~~

They tell me it's all in the past

But it's okay because I'm an outcast

People encourage me but their eyes are a different story

Did my hard times pass?

Yes, because I'm still an outcast

Thank you, for not opening your eyes and trying to see because I learned who I was really meant to be.