First Faze: Letting Go

I had no choice it had came down to this. And now that I reminisc back on the day I pushed through the feelings of psycho possession, jealousy and the sharp thorns of envy, I know now what made me come to the point that I'd let him go.  Let him free at my own will. We have been married for 9 years and he's my first love straight out of high school freshman in college. He was all I knew. He was like a best friend and he taught me things that I wasnt hipped about on the streets and the real true hearts of the people in the world. Basic common sense about how to live amongst sheeps in this society is what I lacked. My conservative strict, ole school and by the book parents never let us out the house. High school parties, and boys was a hell to the NOO. I didn't get a cell phone till first semester of 11th grade. And fuck sneaking to have bf, WHO? Boys at my school wanted girls that were able to DTF and though I was one out of maybe two other girls very extremely gorgeous in class. Looks could not save my soul if I'd paid for it. I couldn't slip through their tight ass grips to substain a play play relationship in school, PERIOD. I was also goofy, friendly, loud af, always joking around, hey everyone let's get along type person. Its all because of how I was raised.
So I gave up my life for love.
He was the type of man that had you thinking he would never cheat because of his humble demeanor and how he held his composor and stance. I even bragged about how awesome he was, how the love was to strong for him to step out on me. But he did. I actually blamed myself for a long time and thats the point that I'm trying to tell you. When I first met him I gave up flirting, I gave up sleeping around, I gave up homegirls, play brothers, I gave up a genuine bond with my mother because she new he was toxic for her daughter. I felt that he cheated because I pushed him to do it. In my mind he was trapped, always up under me. I smothered him. I really couldnt help it. We got to the point where in our relationship at this time, year 3 to be exactly, that my heart, my conscious couldnt take another heartache, heartbreak, disappointment whatever you want to call it: A serious rumptious infidelity escapade, A crude profane soap opera. Only in the movies you would be able to feel the experience, yet alone be a solid witness. I got so tired of the bull shit I sat him down and told him lets try Polygamy. If you have no knowledge of the poly world then let me quickly sum it up for you. A relationship where there is a husband and wife and their relationship is complimented with an add on to the family, a concubine. The second wife, well they call it sister wife, would be extra help, extra pussy, extra income also. I also said that he can date outside our marriage to find our sister wife. I was down with the crazy thought of seeing him fuck, kiss, love another woman. I was only down because he said he needed new pussy. That was his excuse by the way. He can fuck her and can have whoever. Under one condition though, no wait I had a few damn conditions hell. She had to be spiritual, meditate like me, a great amount of awareness, basically good vibes only, someone who could be my best friend and could come into our home and complete us. Like man he kept cheating, sneaking out, and lien, omg all the trillions of lies. Ohlet me not mention the abuss and fights. It hurt to bad. I can't uphold him up to the: I'll never do it again or baby it was a mistake I can't see myself without you baby. Ugh draining Tf it was. At this moment you thinking how could i do such thing, how dare you girl. You probably think I'm crazy, stupid and dumb for lowering my standards, my worth of a woman, but I felt like I needed to do something drastic to save my marriage. So let me ask you for your truest opinion. Please don't hold back, don't lie. I only want whats really real. Was I weak for letting him go? Was I?