Is this my life?

August 19 2016

Bullying, B-U-L-L-Y-I-N-G. A kind of harassment that come in many different forms. Verbal, Physical, Cyber, and more. No form of bullying is ever nice. You see posters everywhere about how to stop bullying and about how if you are being bullied, to speak up. Ever thought that the person that is being bullied is tired of speaking?
Of moving?
Of living?
What if that person wants to cut out their tongue, and while they're at it, slit their wrists and bleed to death just to end their pain and sadness?
Usually the people who put up those "no bullying" and "speak up" posters were once bullied themselves. It makes me wonder, did they get help?
Did they speak up?
Or did they wallow in their pain and suffering until it became to much for them and they were caught holding a few too many pills in their hands and had to confess?
Those people are lucky, they were rescued from the jaws of suicide. Others weren't so lucky, it swallowed them and they ended their lives.
It's insane how many different ways there are to kill yourself. There are the most common ways like eating lead or the good ole rope necklace. Then there are the more extravagant, but still efficient ways, like being in your car when it says hello to the bottom of a lake.
Usually, you can't tell if someone wants to kill themselves because they put on a brave face and a huge smile and waltz through the day like their fine. Newsflash, they're not fine. Their world is crashing down on them, but you don't know that. You don't know how hard it is for them to hold back their tears when all they want to do is drown in them. They want their tears to fill up their lungs and choke them to death. Their chocking to death, that's another reason why they won't speak up. Oh, or the bully might be threatening them if they speak up. Might be telling them that a car might "accidentally" run over them if they spill the beans. That's if it's physical bullying. As I said, there are many different types of bullying. You think you know them all, but trust me, you don't know the half of it. I could write down how many different types there are, but I'd kill way too many trees, and I love to breathe.
Also, you think that you know what bullying really is, but you don't know that either.
You think that you've been bullied before?
Ha! That's a knee slapper. What did they do? Steal you lunch money?
Please, that's nothing compared to something like your nudes being put up on every locker at school. It's nothing like having some random ass dude coming up behind you, squeezing your ass, and then whispering to you 'it's nice and tight'.
Things like that are what push people to kill themselves and they either succeed or get caught and put into a mental hospital. They call it a hospital, where things are supposed to get better and go away, but really things get worse for you. The people who you didn't want to know about your situation now know. They set up appointments with some stupid therapist with a long ass name that takes forever and a day just to learn how to spell it. Then they make you tell them about who or what pushed you to almost end your life, like don't they think that if I wanted to tell someone then I wouldn't be sitting here. If I wasn't going to tell before, what makes them think I'm going to tell now.
Oh, and don't even get me started on the kids at school. You know, those people who never even give you the time of day? Yeah, try almost killing yourself, suddenly those people are your best friends and are so concerned about how you're doing.
Huh, it's nice to know that it took me almost killing myself for them to FUCKING NOTICE ME.
If they really "cared" about me then they would just cut the crap and leave me alone. But when I tell them that I want to be left alone, they say that it's better if someone stays with me, but why would I want them to stay with me, I hate them. If the role were reversed and they were they ones who tried suicide, I wouldn't give a damn, they never gave one about me.
As you can probably tell, the topic of suicide and bullying is very close to my heart. Well that's because, 2 months ago, my sister killed herself.
You see, the thing is, she told someone about her being bullied and she got help. We thought that things were getting better. But, I guess that if things were getting better, I wouldn't have been woken up at 4 in the morning by police officers saying that they found her body floating on top of the nearby lake,
face down,
no pulse.
She drowned herself.
She waited until everyone went to bed and she ended her

I can't do this right now.