Run (A Bucky Barnes Recovery Story)

29 Missing

Bucky’s new apartment was right next to Natasha’s, since they decided it might be a little bit more prudent and besides, Steve had neighbors on either side already. The apartment was spacious and of a similar layout to Natasha’s and he actually really, really loved it. It was different, being able to spread out and be comfortable. To have so many big, beautiful windows and a furnished sitting room to himself. It had almost been difficult getting the apartment because Bucky had needed more papers and records than the hotels had wanted and all the records on him either said he had died or were in the possession of Hydra and Steve had apparently had to pull some strings. But eventually, all of the paperwork was sorted and Bucky was left with a real, permanent home of his own.

He didn’t have that many things to spread out around the apartment. He folded up his clothes in the drawers and set his duffel bag in the closet and put his journal on his bedside table and realized that that basically concluded all that he owned. He wasn’t necessarily sure if he needed anything else, though. He felt content.

Natasha spent a lot of time with him in his apartment. He still liked taking walks, although his nightmares had gotten significantly better and he found that he could sleep quietly through the night most of the time, and he often returned from one of his walks to find Natasha in his apartment, flipping through the TV in his sitting room or napping on his couch. He was certain that she awoke the minute he entered the room, but he still took the time to pull a blanket over her shoulders carefully and she still kept her eyes closed as though she didn’t know that he took special care to make sure not to touch her bare shoulder with his metal hand. He had noticed that she was slowly and casually transferring home-y items from her apartment to his, too, like plastic dishes to use in the kitchen and extra blankets for his bed and nice shampoo for the shower. At first, when he found her things there, he brought them back to her immediately, but she insisted he keep them, and although he felt a little bad and he didn’t want to take hand-outs, she assured him that they were gifts and she would be offended if he didn’t accept them. Gradually, they fell into a comfortable position of her leaving the items there and him silently, but not ungratefully, accepting them into his apartment and using them all. He especially liked to use the things she left him while in her presence, to let her know how much he appreciated them.

Steve visited less often and Bucky wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe because he didn’t feel as comfortable as Natasha did with invading Bucky’s space and that disappointed him a little. Natasha had wedged her way into Bucky’s life with a smile and an undeniable confidence and Bucky had made room for her all too easily. Bucky almost considered once that it was because she was already a part of his life, that maybe in some forgotten memory, Natasha was there, at first slowly integrating herself into him and then becoming such a comfortable part of him that he became hyper-aware of her absence when she wasn’t there and it was only natural now to come home to find her in his kitchen, replacing the dishes he’d been too tired to clean the night before. But he dismissed the thought, unsure of where Natasha could have fit in his past and certain that it was only a wild, wishful passing thought in the mind of a man who couldn’t remember much beyond his own name.

Regardless, although he had Natasha and she was wonderful and brilliant and he couldn’t ask for more, Bucky had begun to silently miss Steve.