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For Immediate Release: A Royal Announcement from King James

BUCKINGHAM PALACE
LONDON SW1A 1AA

Sunday, 1st July, 2018

HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS BERNADETTE OF WALES
IS GRADUATING UNIVERSITY

His Majesty King James III is proud to announce the graduation of Princess Bernadette.

The commencement ceremony will take place on Sunday 1st July, 2018 at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

Her Royal Highness will receive a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and is graduating with the highest of honors. The Princess's mother, the Duchess of Edinburgh, will be in attendance along with her siblings, Princess Louise and Prince Edward. Though His Majesty is unable to attend due to prior engagements with the Prime Minister of Australia, King James shares in the enjoyment this accomplishment brings the Royal Family and wishes to convey how proud he is of his granddaughter.

Princess Bernadette will return to London on 7th July and reside in the family home in Apartment 11 of Kensington Palace. Her Royal Highness is delighted to re-engage with the British public.

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And we're live in 3...2...1

Welcome back to Breakfast Chat with Kelly and Graham on this beautiful summer morning. Kelly Cartwright here with exciting news out of Buckingham Palace. The King has just announced that his granddaughter, Her Royal Highness Princess Bernadette, will be graduating from the University of British Columbia later today with a degree in Sociology.

Do you think a course in Sociology has taught the princess how to behave so the public actually likes her, Kelly?

Oh, quiet Graham. You've always got something to say, haven't you? Of course, everyone knows that Princess Bernie was a bit of a wild child—

—A bit!—

—In her formative years, but time away from our little island nation has done well for the young heiress. No longer are the papers littered with articles about the princess's wild parties on taxpayer properties or acts of rebellion with Jaguars and Bimmers. Instead, you can tell how much Princess Bernie has matured with just how little we've heard or seen from her in the last six years.

So she went off to a couple of poor countries for a few months - half of Britain takes a gap year less luxurious than her so-called volunteer service, Kelly.

I'm not sure where you've gotten your information, Graham, but to say that the princess enjoyed luxurious accommodations whilst in Haiti or any of the other countries she volunteered in is unequivocally incorrect. She stayed in the homes of locals while assisting in the rebuilding effort after disastrous hurricanes and lived in schools while promoting girls education.

While that may be technically correct, Kelly love, that doesn't erase her past behavior. She put the King's Jaguar on the palace roof, for God's sake! And lest we forget the atrocities she committed at Holyrood... She's simply not fit to be Queen, no matter how many degrees she earns or how much volunteer work she does.

I hear you, Graham, I really do. And I know a portion of the British public agrees with you. However, I know another portion of the public that will agree with me when I say the princess has taken steps in the right direction. She's really tried to better herself, and she seems to have matured. The real test is that only of time. Princess Bernie will return to London next week, taking up full-time residency in her childhood home of Kensington Palace, and we can only assume her public duties will resume thereafter. I'm sure next summer when we celebrate the King's seventy-fifth birthday, we will have plenty to discuss regarding the princess, and I do hope it's all positive. I truly believe the princess has changed for the better and has made progress that would make her late father, the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Peter quite proud.

We'll see, I suppose, Kelly.

We surely will, Graham. Now, it's time for us to take a quick break. But before we go, do you think Princess Bernie has matured? Is her return to England an occasion to celebrate? Send your thoughts on Her Royal Highness's graduation to me at Kelly dot Cartwright at Breakfast Chat dot O R G.

And if you think the princess ought to just stay in Canada, email your thoughts to me at Graham dot Nicholls at Breakfast Chat dot O R G.

Oh, you're so naughty, Graham. When we return, live video and behind the scenes footage from the last stop on the Harry Styles world tour. Our very own Jeanine Adams was in attendance at last night's sold out show at Madison Square Garden in New York City, and she was lucky enough to score an exclusive interview with Harry himself. We'll be back in a jif!

Aaaand we're off. Back at the top of the hour in five minutes. Great job, Kelly. Graham - cool it.