Hello Journal

Feeling

This is from 5th grade to now. I'll leave the rest to you. Enjoy!
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⚠️TW: mentions of self harm and suicide⚠️

I felt very weird. It was almost like I didn't matter to anyone. It was a strange thing for a 10 year old to feel. At the time, I wouldn't have been able to explain how I felt.

It was almost like no one cared, but yet they did. Like I didn't exist, yet I did. It was painful, yet somehow not.

I didn't know what this feeling was.

Going forward 1 year, I had that same feeling, but this time it was worse. I felt like I got judged everywhere I went. I felt very sad, and like I didn't belong anywhere.

I knew exactly what was happening.

Going ahead another year, it got so much worse. I had started losing sleep at an incredible rate. I was always tired, even when getting enough sleep. I stopped eating as much just to change. I was in a lot of pain. It reached the point where I actually started harming myself.

The feeling was all too familiar...

Here I am now, 3 years after my first experience with this feeling. I still feel the pain, the urges, the loneliness, but I've told people I trust about the feeling, and it's helped me greatly.

I haven't completely recovered, but I'm getting there. I will admit, it's been a while since I've actually felt something that wasn't immediately turned negative, but I enjoy it.

You're probably wondering what this feeling is. Well, this feeling is, yep you guessed it, depression. Or, what I assume was depression.
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I struggled for 3 painfully long years, on my own, with what seemed like depression. Then, I told someone, and it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders!

Please, if you're struggling with depression, tell someone. It doesn't have to be an adult, but at least someone that you trust. They will help you through it! You can even talk to me, even though I'm a complete stranger, I will at least try to help you!