꧁༺Loser (G.B.D) ༻꧂

T H I R T E E N

I quickly get ready for school chucking a white t shirt on with some blue denim shorts. I grab my bag and text Chloe to see where she is. She said she is 5 mins away so I sat down for a bit waiting for her. My dad entered the living room. Eyes red and puffy. Hair all memes up. Big purple bags underneath his eyes. He looks bad.
"Ellie... I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment of a father. I wish I could get a job. Stop drinking. Get over your moms death. But I can't. It's too hard" he says
"No dad your not a disappointment" I say
"I am which is why you need to go to California" he says crying
"Dad I'm not going. My life is here" I defend
Chloe honks her horn and I head for the door
" we will talk later" I sigh and jump into the car.

Me, Chloe and Dylan walked into school. Izzy is off today she has really bad cramps. We walk to our lockers and get our books.
"Why haven't we been pushed over or yelled at?" Dylan asks confused to why we were not being bullied this morning. I couldn't help but think that Grayson had told them all to back off because we were not losers and he doesn't want to be the person he is anymore. Suddenly I got this warm feeling inside me. Have I changed Grayson Dolan?

Don't get too lost in your thoughts ellie!!!

I snap out of my thoughts and reply to Dylan
"I don't know but I think things are getting better for us" I say with a smile
"Maybe" Chloe says.

We walk to class. Me and Dylan have French together and I'm so glad because we sit next to each other. However Meredith and jack is in our class and they are always throwing stuff at us which is annoying

The lesson ended and Meredith and jack didn't touch us they didn't even say anything. Maybe things are getting better?

I finished the day with art. Grayson showed up today which was good. We had to do some writing about certain art pieces that are close to us or that made us really feel something. Grayson picked out this really complex piece by Picasso  but when I asked to read his notes he wouldn't let me and told me to fuck off. Yep that's the Grayson I know!

After art I met with Dylan at my locker. We waited for Chloe but she didn't show. We always meet at my locker after school where is she? 
"Should we look for her?" I ask
"No she will come" he says looking around
"Dylan isn't been 20 minuted I think we should look for her." I say
"Fine come on. Let's look the courtyard" he says

We walk to the courtyard and then we instantly hear a girl screaming, crying in pain. We look at each other and run towards the noise to see what is going on. Meredith, jack, Aaron, Hayes, Nash and Ethan were circling someone spitting down on the ground. Kicking someone. That's when it clicked. It's Chloe. I ran to the circle and Dylan followed behind me.
"Get off her!" I yelled and they all turn around and laugh
"Finally we were wondering when you were going to show!" Ethan smirks. I barge past them and try to pick Chloe up only to be instantly knocked down. I should of known they would do that.
"Your pathetic" Ethan laughs
"No ethan you are! You are the most petty, pathetic piece of shit I have ever encountered. You disgust me and I hope you rot in hell" I spit. I must of got him really mad because he climbed on top of me and stared throwing punched at my face. I try and shake him off but he is too strong. I then hear more crying and see that Dylan is being beaten by jack and Hayes and Chloe being slapped by Meredith whist they all laugh in our faces.

Ethan leans down and whispers in my ear angrily.
"You know nothing about me. You know nothing about my life so stop judging me okay?" He spits
"Your a dick who derived to be judged" I mange to whisper but loud enough for him too hear. He slaps me hard. By now my body had given up. I have no strength to push him off me or to fight back. I'm not even sure if I feel the pain anymore. I'm just numb all over and I feel useless completely and utterly useless. Ethan kicks me a few times and then gets up before spitting in my face and telling all the others to back off because he was getting bored. They all left leaving me, Dylan and Chloe on the floor all bloody and bruised with cuts all over us.

Dylan had the strength to stand so he helped me and Chloe home. I ring work to tell them I can't come because I'm 'sick'. I'm not sick I'm hurt. I'm hurt all over. Dylan pulls up to my house. I open the door and am about to close it.
"You want us to come in" He asks before I close the door. I look back to Chloe who is staring out of the window. Tears running down her face.
"No. Take chlo home and take care of her" I say with a weak smile.
"Okay" He says and drives off.

I quickly run upstairs and shut my door so no one sees my face. I go to my bathroom and look in the mirror. I take off all my cloths and look at my body. I have bruises all down my legs and some on my hips. I have a nasty cut on my arm and a small one on my face. I have little bruises all over my face and a black eye. My hands are bleeding and my lip is cut. But I don't feel anything. I am still numb. Why don't I feel the pain. Where is the pain? I want to feel the pain! I want to feel everything he did to me just so I can be disgusted in myself so I can hate myself. WHERE IS THE PAIN. I start crying. There it is. The pain is not because of my physical cuts or bruises it's my internal ones that hurt. I'm messed up. Really messed up.

I must of been stud at my mirror for a while because I hear an knock at the door. I put on my comfy shorts and a top.
"Who is it" I call.
"Grayson. We have tutoring" he says sharply. He sounds annoyed
I slowly open the door not wanting to see me. I dont open it fully I leave a gap so I can talk to him clearly
"Ellie what are you doing open the door!" He snaps
"No grayson I can't do this tonight. Sorry but your going to have to leave" I say trying not to cry
"Lamont open the door now. Why are you hiding from me?" He whisper yells so my dad doesn't  hear.
"Grayson. Now is not the time" I say trying to shut my door but he barged his way in making me fall to the floor. I wince in pain. He stands there and looks me up and down. He stays where he is stood looking at me in disgust
"A picture would last longer. Do you want one?" I sarcastically snap and get up so I am standing near him. He doesn't say anything he is still looking at me. He grabs my arm and I wince a little. He traces all the bruises before putting it back down.
"So are we doing English or art" He says
"What?" I asked confused
"Tutoring. English or art?" He says
"Your not even going to ask me why I'm beat to a pulp" I say disgusted in him
"I don't care now English or art?" He says angrily
"English and just in case you were wondering- Ethan did this" I say pointing to my body
He ignored me and took his books out of his bag laying them down on the floor. He sits down and I join him. We sit in silence until he says
"So what do you need to know"  he asks
"What have we been doing in the last couple of months" I sigh

He teaches me some English and we manage to finish off the art we were doing today. He leaves and doesn't even say good bye

I'm so confused. How can this boy understand me on minute and manage to find me when no one else could. How can he sit there and lie with me just looking at me as if I was the only girl in the world. How can he listen to me cry about my dad and feel sympathy for me. But then not give two shits if I look like I have just been mugged. How can he be so selfish and only care about his own needs. HOW? I hate him. I thought I might of liked him. Might of felt something there but no not anymore.

Who am I kidding? I think I'm falling in love with him and I don't think there is anything I can do to stop it

Shit