You were the one romance
“Hey Li, you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah”
“What’s up?”
“Sit down”
“Alright mate” he replied. I saw his adam’s apple bobble as he took a nervous swallow. I couldn’t help but respond with a small smile. He’s so adorable it’s almost painful.
When Louis told me about how Niall felt the whole time we’ve been a band, I was so shocked my knees gave out; he had to catch me and sit me on the couch. The tears started and Louis was so concerned because he had no idea what was going through my head. I remember the conversation vividly; it’s burned into my memory. An image that was up so long and thought about so much it’s been burnt into the background of my mind.
“He’s always been the best for me. The best of me. How was I so stupid?”
“Liam, you couldn’t have known. We didn’t know. None of us knew. You thought you were in love. We all thought you and Dani were perfect for each other. We knew you and Niall were wonderful together, but we thought the both of you were straight.”
“I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve given so much to someone else when it should have been him.”
Now he’s sitting right in front of me, legs tapping on the ground nervously as his fingers cascade across the table top. He’s staring at the wall, so I take the time to memorize his profile. He has the perfect face: a strong jawline, beautiful eyes, partnered with a contagious smile. He turns and looks at me and I see the confusion in his eyes, so I start.
“I wish I could say I knew when it all started. Whether it was the moment I saw you for the first time backstage at X-Factor or when you leapt in the air in pure joy when we were put together as a group. I don’t know whether it was the first time I ever heard you burst into song while walking around the house or if it was the way you supported me through every problem I had with Danielle. All I know is that it’s been two years and I can’t stop thinking about those blue eyes and that blond hair.”
So many years gone, still I remember
How did I ever let my heart believe
in one who never gave enough to me
“You watched me date her and love her. We spoke about all the times something new had happened, how I felt when I realized I loved her and what it was like when we made love for the first time. You never said a word about how painful it was for you. You never complained. You never even cast her a dirty look. I can’t believe how strong you were, how carefree you still appeared regardless of the fact that I was giving to someone else exactly what you wanted”
And so many years gone, love that was so wrong
I can’t forget the way it used to be
and how you changed the taste of love for me
“I think that’s why I love you so much. I admire and respect the hell out of you. You are so strong and carefree and perfect. We both know that we have the strongest relationship out of all of the boys. Larry is cute, but they are entirely based in feelings and adoration. What I feel for you, what our friendship was, or is, seems like so much more. We seem less vulnerable, less likely to burst. They might have the kind of passion that explodes the second they touch, but that’s dangerous. I rather have what I feel for you, the steady stream of insatiable need and the constant want that pools in my stomach whenever I see you; whenever you touch me.”
